I feel:: geeky

It's 4am and I'm wide awake. Just to pass the time, I pigged out on Peanut Butter and crackers, of course with Diet Mountain Dew, cuz you know that cancels out all of those carbs and calories. (rrrrrrrriiiiiight) Oh well, at least it wasn't Haagen Daz, which is what I REALLY wanted. I've got to get back to eating more high quality protein. This high carb shit is playing havoc with my blood sugar levels. I'm up, I'm down. I feel like shit when I eat like this. Maybe I'm an in-the-closet masochist? Who knows. I wish I had something to help me go to sleep. There is some Sangria in the fridge. Hmmmmmm maybe I should have a glass of that. Great, more sugar.

I haven't done a damn thing today. I didn't even leave my house. I studied on my Civ for a little while. A couple of hours, maybe. Other than that, I played my guitar, watched the tube and sat on my ass in front of this computer.

I bought some furniture yesterday. A computer desk and a chair-and-a-half for my chillin' out room. My little cozy nook tv room that is all mine anddadcan'tcomeinhereroom. I'm giving Lainie my sectional couch with the fold out bed, which is HUGE. I'm going to move the sofa that is in my tv room into the kitchen and set up the new furniture in here when it gets delivered on Wednesday. There is a man who is coming over here on Monday morning to take the sectional over to Lainie's new place. I hope she likes it. I love that sofa. I almost hate to give it up, but I really don't need it and she does. Plus, I got new furniture. I hope she likes it as much as I do. That sectional is so old, it's nearly vintage. It still looks new though. Lainie, you should keep it until it's "vintage" and then sell it for a shitload of money.

I'm going to Dallas on Thursay afternoon and coming back on Sunday afternoon. Sally and Ashley are going too. We are going to see Type O Negative at Trees in Deep Ellum. Lacuna Coil is opening. I'm so excited. mmmmmmmm Peter Steele. *drool*

I think I better go to bed now, before I become any more random.


Weirded Out And Crying To 80's Love Songs

I feel:: aggravated

Well, I'm sitting here watching the 100 greatest love songs on VH1 and I'm crying like a big baby. Well, the waterworks didn't start until I heard Open Arms by Journey. God, I just love that song, of course it wouldn't be the same if Steve Perry wasn't singing it. Then, they played My Heart Will Go On from the movie Titanic. That's actually the ONLY song I have ever liked that Celine Dion has done. I was sort of surprised when I started crying. I'm not depressed and I'm not lonely. I guess those particular songs just touch my heart.

On a completely different subject, I watched this documentary on Cinemax last night (no, it wasn't soft core porn). It was about the terrorist group called Hezbollah. They filmed people in Lebanon, Pakistan, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I had no idea that it was that widespread. They have their own schools even. They filmed these little children in school chanting,"We are the sons of Allah. May Allah bless Hezbollah." The children might have been 7 or so. They also filmed in two different schools for girls, where the girls had their faces completely covered with their veils. One 13 year old girl gave and interview and said that she wanted to have many children in order to do her duty to Allah and to Hezbollah. She said that she wanted all her sons to be martyrs for Allah. Warriors. I saw many little boys named Osama. Their parents said that they named their little boys Osama because they wanted them to be true warriors and true Muslims just like Osama bin Laden. Also, I watched this leader of Hezbollah say that their community of followers (all of the people of Hezbollah) were the same before and the same after September 11, 2001. He said they were called terrorists before and terrorists after. That they would not bow,"to the great Satan that is America". Then he raised his hand and led thousands and thousands of people in a "Death to America" chant. This other older man was talking about Osama bin Laden like he was some sort of saint.

There were also some other men who, on this certain day (it was like a holiday of sorts) all get together in the streets and let other men cut their heads with sharp knives in order to show their loyalty to Allah and to Hezbollah. It was macabre. Some of them were bleeding so profusely that they just passed out in the street. What was even weirder was that there were all these people lining the streets, eating popcorn and ice cream and things, like it was all just normal, or like some sort of parade or carnival.

I was horrified. I kept trying to tell myself that what is normal to me is not normal to some other people and I shouldn't judge them for their religious beliefs, but I feel personally threatened by them. I listened to some teachers sermonizing about living for Allah and it was so eerily familiar to what I've heard in church, except that there was the added bit about how every one who is not a Muslim is lower than dirt. This one woman said that every child is born a Muslim until their unbelieving parents change them. She also said that Allah has said that he could not make everyone a Muslim, else there would be no one left to go to hell. I thought to myself: First of all, if Allah did make every one a Muslim from birth and he is all-powerful as they say he is, what kind of god would he be if mere mortals could take away their "salvation" or their chance at getting into heaven. I also thought, if Allah is all powerful, is there anything he can't do? The statement,"Allah has said that he can't make everyone a Muslim." is saying that Allah is not the omnipotent god she claims him to be. Also, I thought, would a merciful god make hell just for humans and intend to send people there? I can't believe that. They say that Allah is all merciful and then talk about him sending people to hell. That's a bit of a contradiction to say the least. Needless, to say, I'm a bit freaked out by all the brainwashing I witnessed just on that documentary. I am horrified by all the anger and violence toward America and Americans. It actually made me think of the story of Isaac and Ishmael. In the scriptures, I've read that Isaac and Ishmael, though both Abraham's sons, only Isaac was the child of promise. It says that Ishmael became the father of the Arab nation. I don't know why I thought about that, but I did.

On another completely different note, I watched the Mtv VMA's last night. Evanesence didn't win a thing, to my dissapointment. I was sort of let down by it. It seems to get more boring and more unoriginal every year. Although, I did like the whole "Like A Virgin" rendition with Madonna coming up out of the cake as the groom this time instead of the bride, like she did 20 years ago. I thought that was interesting, though I wasn't too impressed with the kissing and fondling. I thought they did that just for shock value.

Anyway, I'm outta here. I've got to go and watch Alisha's kids today.


Kick Ass Easter Bunnies

I feel:: exhausted

School is already kickin my ass. I've been up for 20 hours straight so far. I woke up at 4am this morning for some unexplained reason. I fell asleep at 12:00, woke up at 1:30, 2:30 and so by 4:00, I just decided to get up. I got some studying done at least. By the time I went to Spanish class at 12:15, I was exhausted. I came home and slept for 2 hours, then went to my World Lit. class. So, this is a pretty boring entry. I'm so freaking tired.

So for a laugh, check this out. It served to send my ass into a spasm of giggles:

  • 2003 All-Breed Best-In-Show

  • I can't wait to go to Dallas and see Typo O Negative. :)
    I'm going to bed now, before I get any more boring.


    A Very Merry Un-Birthday To Me

    I feel:: satisfied

    I'm watching the Roger Corman Collection on The Movie Channel. B Movie King. I thought it was Skinimax at first because of all the bad acting and scantilly clad women pretending to enjoy pretending to have sex. I think my sleepytime medicine just kicked in. I'm all dizzy and stuff.

    How appropo (or lazy blogging whichever you decide to call it).
    You are The Mad Hatter
    You are The Mad Hatter

    One thing is for sure- you're as mad as a hatter.
    You have an obsession with time and if tea time
    were to ever cease, you would probably be even
    more confused.

    What Alice in Wonderland Character Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    What One Is Left With On Late Night (Morning) Television

    I feel:: blah

    I am currently watching some weird ass movie called Wasp Woman. It's about this 40 something year old woman who takes this experimental youth serum made from the hormones of wasps. It makes her look 20 years younger, but it also makes her transform into a murdering wasp when she is sexually aroused. Pretty damn weird. Thank you Skinimax and bad acting.

    I'm so sleepy and I'm supposed to go to church in the morning. I hope I'm not Cramp Woman. Sometimes being a woman just sucks.



    I feel:: crushed

    Well, my friend from school had her abortion today. I didn't take her. I can't believe she killed her baby. I'm so in shock that I don't really know what to feel. I solaced myself earlier with half of a half pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Real smooth. That's just what I need.


    Food Poisoning

    I feel:: sick

    Well, I got food poisoning from something I ate yesterday. I went to IHOP last night. I call it "I HOPE". As in, I Hope I Don't Get Food Poisoning, or I Hope I Get Service. Well, I'm suspicious of the omlet I had there last night. I was up from about 3 or so until about 6. At least it was only coming out one end of me. It is now 1:30 and I've been awake for about an hour and a half and I'm afraid to eat anything. I still have to go to my guitar lesson today and to watch Alisha's kids. Well, let's hope that coffee will sustain me.



    I feel:: sleepy

    I had this crazy dream last night that I was on this boat with some other people and we were going out of the harbor and we saw this other boat on fire, so we went over there and I pulled all these people out of the water. The weirder thing was that four of them were the members of Type O Negative. It was super odd. One of those dreams that seems so real. I could smell the smoke and it got into my eyes and nose and I couldn't breathe. I remember falling into the water at one point and it was so cold that my hands and feet went numb and I swallowed some salt water and choked on it. I remember being back on the boat shivering and wet underneath a blanket. I also remember taking care of the people I pulled out of the water. Most of them were unconscious. Just too, too weird.


    Someone Thought They Were Going To Get Lucky

    I feel:: amused

    I went to see S.W.A.T last night. Oh my God, there was a line a mile long to get tickets at the Rave. It seems like most people were there to see Freddy vx. Jason. About 10 minutes after we got in line, an employee from the theater came out and went down the line telling everyone that Freddy vs. Jason was sold out. So, like more than half the people in line left, thank Christ. I hate standing in lines.

    Last Saturday, Sally and I went to see Vallejo at Juanita's. It was a good show. They did better thank I had seen them do in a while. I guess they got some extra sleep or something. Or maybe extra alcohol. Who knows?

    Earlier this week, I hung out with Dan. This is the guy who broke up with me a week before last Valentine's Day. I thought that was pretty shitty of him. Anyway, he called my cell at like 10:30 supposedly to give me his new cell number. Why? So, I was going out to get a midnight snack at the Awful Waffle and he asked me if he could meet me there. So, I said that was cool. What the hell, right? So, he was cool and we talked for a couple of hours and I found myself asking myself,"Why did I ever go out with this guy? And, for that matter, what in the world did I ever see in him?" I realize now that he's a complete loser and I was crazy to feel hurt when he broke up with me. I count myself fortunate, now, that he did. The funny part was that when I followed him to his new place after we left (he said he wanted me to see his new place), he intimated that if I were to come in we might be too ... ahem... occupied.. for him to show it to me properly. I thought that was pretty damn funny. He thought he was going to get laid!



    I feel:: indescribable

    Ok, a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, just called me and told me that she is pregnant. Under any other circumstances, I would be overjoyed for her, but the reason she called me was not really to tell me that she was pregnant, but to ask me to take her to get an abortion. I don't know what to do about that. I want to support her because she is my friend, but I don't think that abortion is right. It makes me nauseous to even think about it. I mean, I know I'M not the one getting the abortion, but it still grieves me to think that she's going to terminate her pregnancy. There are so many people who can't have children that really want children. She says that she couldn't deal with the recrimination from her family. Evidently, her family thinks she's still a virgin. Well, I think her family are a bit naive if they think that. After all, once a woman is in her twenties, it's pretty much a given that she's not a virgin.

    But back to the subject at hand, I would like some input on this from those of you who read my blog. I'm going to pray and fast about this for the next two days and I would appreciate some prayer from those of you who pray, if not, I would appreciate it if you would keep my friend and I in your thoughts. This may seem stupid to some, but I take the issue of abortion very seriously. It seems to me that if I take her, even though I would be showing my support, wouldn't I be in some way saying that I support her having an abortion? I don't know. I'm really confused right now. I just want to do what's right. I love her as a friend and I told her that I think she should keep her baby regardless of what her family says. She has made up her mind, though, and I told her that I'm not going to think differently of her for it.

    I'm wondering in this case which would be the better way to show her that I love her? Taking her, or not taking her?


    It Seems That All One Has To Do To Create Gothic-Style Poetry Is To Submit Ideas To A Generator

    I feel:: bouncy


    It is a night of ethereal pain, a song of subtlety,
    wolves vent their loneliness. The thirsting one

    Mist shrouds her pale form,
    an impatient desire.

    Her silken hair cascades over
    translucent ivory shoulders, and her
    full scarlet lips part slightly, to taste the
    vitae streaming from the
    pale flesh beneath

    Now a night of ecstasy,
    I weep.


    Slender beams of accusation enter
    this darkened chamber as I kneel,
    always supplicating, always driven,
    frozen here,

    Tortured forms wrought in panes of glass loom as
    dust dances in the air,
    forming an image in my mind,
    rending my naked soul.

    Blood on a deathless face.

    I raise my head, now crying out for
    this airy Heaven.

  • Goth-O-Matic Poetry Generator
  • 5.8.03

    A Open Letter To Dr. Laura

    I feel:: amused

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors bitch to the zoning people. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. What do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting college. Will the slave buyer be required to continue to pay for her education by law ?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense and threaten to call Human Resources.

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians? Is there something wrong with tham due to the weather?

    e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project ? What is a good day to start? Should we begin with small stones? Kind of lead up to it?

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
    homosexuality. I don't agree. I mean, a shrimp just isn't the same as a you-know-what. Can you settle this?

    g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
    glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses fall within some exception?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? The Mafia once took out Albert Anastasia in a barbershop, but I'm not Catholic; is this ecumenical thing a sign that it's ok?

    I) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
    garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
    necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan


    From: "The Imitation of Christ"

    Shunning Over-Familiarity
    DO NOT open your heart to every man, but discuss your affairs with one who is wise and who fears God. Do not keep company with young people and strangers. Do not fawn upon the rich, and do not be fond of mingling with the great. Associate with the humble and the simple, with the devout and virtuous, and with them speak of edifying things. Be not intimate with any woman, but generally commend all good women to God. Seek only the intimacy of God and of His angels, and avoid the notice of men.

    We ought to have charity for all men but familiarity with all is not expedient. Sometimes it happens that a person enjoys a good reputation among those who do not know him, but at the same time is held in slight regard by those who do. Frequently we think we are pleasing others by our presence and we begin rather to displease them by the faults they find in us.

    Obedience and Subjection
    IT IS a very great thing to obey, to live under a superior and not to be one's own master, for it is much safer to be subject than it is to command. Many live in obedience more from necessity than from love. Such become discontented and dejected on the slightest pretext; they will never gain peace of mind unless they subject themselves wholeheartedly for the love of God.
    I feel:: hungry

    Go where you may, you will find no rest except in humble obedience to the rule of authority. Dreams of happiness expected from change and different places have deceived many.

    Everyone, it is true, wishes to do as he pleases and is attracted to those who agree with him. But if God be among us, we must at times give up our opinions for the blessings of peace.

    Furthermore, who is so wise that he can have full knowledge of everything? Do not trust too much in your own opinions, but be willing to listen to those of others. If, though your own be good, you accept another's opinion for love of God, you will gain much more merit; for I have often heard that it is safer to listen to advice and take it than to give it. It may happen, too, that while one's own opinion may be good, refusal to agree with others when reason and occasion demand it, is a sign of pride and obstinacy.


    Oh My God I'm Crippled

    I feel:: sore
    I'm watching this lovely movie called "Time Bandits".

    I've got a crick in me back. I managed to pull muscles in my back while I was sleeping. Whoa, that's talent. I can't think straight right now, for the pain. My back feels like it's on fire.

    Headaches And Coloring Books

    I feel:: hot

    I've had this headache for two days now. The only time it goes away is if I'm doped up on Nyquil (which I am now, but I can still feel the remnants of it). I colored a lot today. I bought myself some crayons and coloring books when I was at WalMart the other day. I know that it's totally juvenile, but it kinda makes me feel arty(in a trailer trash kinda way). I think I'm going to get a popsicle.


    I Have A Fever.

    I feel:: hot
    There's no music playing, but I'm watching this weird ass movie.

    I stayed home and slept all day today. I felt fine after taking the first dose of my supplements until about an hour ago. I have a fever now and a headache right in the back of my head. I always know when my fever is bad when my head hurts. I know that I'm really sick when my back starts to ache all the time. It hasn't done that so far. Thank God. I'm about to take the next dose of my supplements and I just took some Nyquil. Hopefully, in an hour or so, I'll feel better. I hope I'm not up until 7am this morning like I was yesterday.

    I went with Sally, and Ashley to see Pirates of the Caribbean again. That is the second time I've seen it in the theater. I'm definitely buying it when it comes out on dvd. Swashbuckling, pirates, Johnny Depp in eyeliner. It was easy for me to swoon considering I was already having a fever while sitting in the movie.

    I'm watching some weird movie now called 'After Alice'. Keifer Sutherland is in it and he's supposed to be this psychic detective who is chasing a serial killer who is obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. Not much else on actually. *waits for Nyquil to kick in* Everything should be extremely entertaining after it does.