I feel:: hungry
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: of course it's something by Tori Amos

I've been studying Spanish all damn day. I have a test tomorrow that I hope I do well on. I have another test next Wednesday in Civ and I've only read half of one chapter out of five. I hope I can bs my way through the two essay questions I will have to answer. I skipped Civ and Algebra today so that I could study for my Spanish test. I hope it was worth it. I have all this Algebra homework to do this weekend and an Algebra quiz on Monday. Yay! *note sarcasm*
I have been working out pretty regularly, like 3 to 4 times a week for about 3 weeks now and I'm starting to feel better. More motivated and I have more energy. The bad part is that I have to get up so early to work out and I'm exhausted by 10:00 o'clock. I feel like such an old person. My dad, who is 73, goes to bed later than 10:00.
Ok, I'm through studying for the day. I'm going to bed.


I'm Irritated And I Feel Like An Idiot

I feel:: aggravated
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Culture Club~Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

I haven't seen Craig since our date 4 weeks ago. He has been calling me pretty regularly, but he has this super bad habit of not calling when he says that he will. That still irritates me. He called me the other day and asked me if I wanted to come up to Hot Springs and see him on Friday night, but I was so tired that I asked him if we could do it on Saturday night. He said that was no problem and that he would call me. Well, you can guess how that went. He didn't call me until like 11:00 last night and wanted me to drive up to Hot Springs in the pouring rain. I was like,"I'm in for the night." He said that was going to call me today and try to come down here. Well, we'll see.

I forgot to write a paper that was due on Oct 14 for my World Lit class. I don't know how my grade is going to turn out now. My algebra is getting better. I haven't had a major freak out so far this semester, which is good I think.

Sally, Tanya and I are going to see APC in Memphis on November 15. I'm excited. We are going to be staying there for the whole weekend. It will be good to have a mini-vacation.

Well, so much for my boring life. I'm out.


House Of 1000 Corpses

I feel:: sleepy

I watched this movie yesterday and it sort of (not sort of, really) freaked me out. I had freaky dreams last night too.

Little Bit has learned how to push the screens off the windows of my house to get himself outside. I had to go and chase him down earlier.

Among my other weird dreams, I had a dream about Eddie last night and he was in this huge house and I was trying to buy it from him, but he wouldn't accept my offer. The whole thing was weird.

I also had a dream the other night that Sally, Tanya and I were backstage at a Led Zepplin concert, but it was in the 1970's. They were supposed to meet Robert Plant and Jimmy Page somewhere and they took off running and left me and I tried to call Sally on her cell and it was turned off. I just remember crying, "You left me! You left me!" Then, I called Erik and had him pick me up at Robinson Center Music Hall where he found me sitting on the front steps wrapped in a towel, because somehow I had lost all of my clothes.

I went shopping yesterday and got some Zero slippers from Hot Topic. That's the little ghost dog from Nightmare before Christmas. They're super cute and the noses have pumpkins on them and they light up when you walk. I love them. I also bought some electric blue fake eyelashes to wear on Halloween and this eye jewelry that is sparkly, although I'm not quite sure where to place it on my eyes.
I'm gonna go nap now.


To Bed, To Bed

I feel:: sleepy

I ate dinner at like 8:00pm and came home by 10:30, then I ate again at 11:30. Bleh. I feel bloated. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I did work out today, though. I did 45 minutes on the stairmaster and I walked around the track after that for like 5 or 10 minutes. I didn't think I was going to make it the whole time on the stairmaster. I feel like I accomplished something today.


A Little Repressed Anger

I feel:: infuriated
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Barbara Streisand~Memories (what the hell?)

So I took this little Algebra assessement earlier and I went from 54% finished with my little Algebra pie to 23% finished. Yay. So, I've been working back up since... Oh I don't know 2:00pm this afternoon? Yeah. I'm slightly pissed. I'm supposed to be at 100 problems and now after the marathon, I'm at 60. I was at 41. Fucking hate this fucking class. I laid down earlier because I was so depressed that I had done so bad and that I knew that I was going to have to bust my ass doing problems that I've already done umpteen MILLION times to catch up and I fell asleep imagining that I was in my professor's office screaming at him, throwing books around and brandishing a knife. Think I have a little repressed anger? I do. So, I'm going to a sports store asap and get a punching bag and some gloves so that I can work out my frustration and anger without going homicidal. I guess I'll hang it in the garage.

On a lighter note, I went to see Once Upon a Time in Mexico last night. I liked it. Not as good as the first one, but sequels never are, that's why I rarely see them. Even The Matrix Reloaded was worse than The Matrix. Not a big fan of sequels.

I'm so fucking tired. My eyes feel like they have sandpaper in them and I have writer's cramp, my back hurts and I can't think straight. It's amazing how too much studying will suck the brains and the life right out of you. All in all, not a very good day. I'm wishing for some Sangria right now. I'm going to bed and try not to think about how fucked I am in my Algebra class.


A Little Humor To Insert Into An Otherwise Boring Day

I feel:: amused, but still bored

This is too funny. You guys HAVE to try this:
  • Victorian Sex Cry Generator

  • I got:"Please sir, I beg you! Ease back your attack so that I may compose myself to compass the admission of that stupendous head of your machine!"
    I can't breathe...too much laughter...

    I don't really have much to say on this entry except that the irritating girl who got the abortion is calling me again and she wants to hang out with me tomorrow and I do not want to hang out with her.

    I talked to Craig tonight and he was in a good mood. He called me last night too. So that was good. He doesn't like to talk on the phone I don't think. We only ever talk for like 15 minutes or so. That's ok I suppose because he talks a lot in person.
    I guess that's it.

    I'm having that boring feeling again. Like Creepy suggested, I'm trying to embrace it, but I'm having difficulty. *sigh* I really need to practice my guitar. Paul gives me the biggest guilt trip when I don't practice.


    I'm Fixin' To Do Something...

    I feel:: relieved
    What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Pink Floyd~Wish You Were Here

    but I don't know what. I need to go to bed. I have Spanish class tomorrow.

    I was all anxious about Craig all day today. I'm over analyzing again. I called him last night bc he had asked me to and he was watching this movie, Satan's Cheerleaders, (he's a fool for bad B horror movies) and he didn't really talk. He said that he was wanting to watch the movie and that he would call me today. Well, I figured that was the blow off. So, I told myself that I wasn't going to call him again until he called me. Well, he called me at like 9:00. We talked for like 10 minutes. He's so distracted when we talk on the phone. There's the self-involvement again. I don't think he means to be that way. I think that it's just him. He said that I could call him later on tonight and that he'd be up for awhile and if I didn't call him tonight, that he would call me tomorrow. I think I'm going to wait for him to call me. I don't want him to think that I'm his "beck-n-call girl".

    Well, I'm not so nervous now. At least I know that he's not blowing me off. I don't know, I guess I was scared that all of that niceness on our date was fake and I somehow didn't see it. I figured it was too good to be true and I was waiting for the bomb to drop; the truth to smack me right in the face and knock me on my ass like usual. God, what an emotional basket case I am.

    On a completely different note, I happened to drop by the Sanctuary site earlier and I reread some of my old posts. One's in particular to this guy who was particularly nasty to me. I came to the realization that I'm quite well spoken and when I get mad I can pretty much lay down the law, kick ass, and quote some righteous Scripture. I never really realized that about myself. I guess that's something positive; that I can take up for myself.

    Btw, I can't get Craig out of my mind. I'm thinking about him right now. Someone slap me.

    Oh, I made a 71 on my first Civ Exam. I was afraid I'd flunked it. If I had been able to answer the other essay question, I would have made a 91. Oh well, I'll do better next time, I hope.

    I have to go and finish reading The Merchant of Venice.


    I'm So Freakin Tired...

    I feel:: giddy
    What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Tori Amos~Under The Pink

    but sassified. The date went well. Everyone was right in telling me that there was nothing to worry about. I feel like an idiot now. He came here to pick me up and he met my cats and they claimed him as their own. He played my guitar and said that it played like "butta". haha He has a little bit of a New York accent going on. Or maybe it's the remnants of New Orleans. They both sound the same to me. Anyway, we left my house and went to Juanita's and he got to talk to Doug Pinnick, who is evidently an old friend of his. The way that they greeted each other with one of those big, manly, "howthefuckareyoumutherfucker" hugs led me to believe that they'd known each other for awhile. Practically everyone from my church was there and they were all curious about him and they were really nice to him. Most of my guy friends were like, "So, what's the deal with the new guy?" I like knowing that they are looking out for me. Erik was there and found me on the patio sitting with my date and gave me a huge hug and yakked with Craig for a bit. I waved bye to him as we were leaving and he sort of looked dejected. I felt sorry for him, kinda. Craig actually met 2 of my serious ex boyfriends last night and he seemed to get along well with them. I didn't mention that I had dated those guys. I figured it would be in bad taste.

    After Juanita's, we went to eat at IHOP. He paid for my breakfast, which I thought was nice. He said that he wanted me to show him around LR, so we went to Murray Park even though it closes at 10:00. I wanted to see if Overlook was still open, but it was blocked off. He wanted to see what it was anyway and we started to go down there, but I was wearing these boots that I got yesterday that have 5 inch heels and they are super thin and there was so much brush overgrown on the pavement that I thought I would bust my butt trying to go down there. So, we stood in the light rain for a few minutes and then he kissed me. It was terribly romantic. Then, I took him out to Lake Maumelle, to this little campsite that is kind of out of the way. It overlooks the lake and you can hear the water lapping on the shore. We stayed out there for like 3 hours and talked. He kissed me again out there and with the rain and the water coming up on the shore it was super romantic. I loved it. We left there at 6:00am and came to my house. We sat in the living room for a little bit and then we started to get sleepy, so I told him that I needed to crash and he said that he did too, so he left for home. He said that he wanted me to call him later on tonight. I really like this guy. I'm still kind of nervous, though, but I'm trying not to be. I always hate it when people let their fear rule them. I don't want to be that type of person.


    Yes, I'm Still Nervous And I Don't Know Exactly Why

    I feel:: nervous

    He called. At like 12:30am. We talked for a bit. The subject of religion came up somehow. We were talking about King's X and he said he knew Doug. I told him that I knew Jerry. He asked me how. I told him that my friend Lori and he were engaged at one time. He asked me how I met Lori, so I told him that her parents took me in when I didnt' have any place else to go. Well, that led to talking about Sold Out and the homeless shelter that I ran for 5 years (he thought that was cool and really cool that we weren't affiliated with any church) and he figured out that I'm a Christian by the end of all of that. He told me that he was not a Christian and asked me if it bothered me that he wasn't. I asked him if it bothered him that I was. He said no. I hope he was telling the truth. It was sort of a difficult moment, but I'm glad that I told him up front. I just don't know if he will be expecting me to act a certain way. I really need to pray a lot. I'm gonna go pray and try to stop over analyzing EVERYTHING.


    First Date Jitters

    I feel:: cold
    What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Rasputina~Bad Moon On The Rise

    Yes, I am nervous about going out with this guy on Sat. night. I called him yesterday and we chatted for a little bit. He seems nice, but a bit self involved. He was supposed to call me back at 8:00 last night, but I never received any call from him. So, I'm not going to call him. If he wants to go out with me to see King's X, he's going to have to call me. I've already got my ticket and I'm going regardless. I'm irritated that he said he was going to call and didn't. Is he already playing games and we've only talked once? Ugh, I hate stupid games.

    Oh yeah, and Erik is back in town and calling me. He said that he will be going to the King's X show on Sat. I told him that I was going to be there as well and he said,"I was hoping you would be." Omg, I don't know what to do about these men. I go for 2 years -nothing, nada and now ......

    I love Erik, I really do. Actually when I think of myself in the future, I see myself with him. But, I don't know if I can be with him. I'm still scarred from our previous relationship. Ahhhh, I'm a fool.



    I feel:: blah

    I'm recovering from being sick. I missed classes yesterday and I missed my Spanish class today. I'm thinking about going shopping a little later for an outfit to wear Saturday night. I just saw these great knee high boots online, but they are 200.00 and I don't want to pay that much for boots. They are SOOOO cute though.

    I guess I really don't have much to say today. I feel boring.