I Am Not Paranoid!!

I feel:: anxious
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Prince~The Look

I received this response from the FBI today in my email:

Dear Ms. XXXX,

A review of the information you provided revealed that you are being approached over the Internet to participate in an advanced fee scam. There are several variations of the scam using different names for the organization sponsoring the lottery, but most of them claim to be in the Netherlands.

The United States Secret Service (USSS) has developed an excellent, detailed description of this fraud scheme, which can be accessed at http://www.secretservice.gov/alert419.shtml. If you have been victimized by one of these schemes, please forward appropriate written documentation to the USSS, Financial Crimes Division, 1800 G St., NW, Room 942, Washington, D.C. 20223, or telephone (202) 406-5850. We encourage you to share this Web page with family and friends. Your continued cooperation in this and other matters is greatly appreciated.

You do not need to forward the emails to us. If you have not, simply delete them from your computer. Also, if you know that you are receiving spam mail, it is advisable not to open them, because even if you do not reply, the sender has validated your email address. And, you may get other spam mail.

Again, thank you for taking the time to forward this report to us.

For your information, the Internet Tip Line (ITL) was created on 9/11/01, in response to the terrorist attacks upon America. We quickly established a mechanism for the public to submit information to the FBI via the Internet, and we received our first tip at 10:31 AM that first day. Director Mueller has since made the ITL a permanent part of FBI operations, and we have thus far received over 700,000 tips from around the globe, from which thousands of leads have been sent to FBI Field and Legal Attache Offices for action.

Initially, almost 100% of the tips received were related to the terrorist attacks; now, approximately 45% of all tips received are related to almost every other FBI criminal program, e.g., drug trafficking, organized crime, money laundering, pyramid schemes, child pornography, fugitives, bank robbery.

Our operation is completely automated and paperless. Submitted tips are received immediately, reviewed within minutes and prioritized by trained Professional Support personnel, and action leads are set by Agents within the hour, as appropriate.

I encourage you to share this information with your family, friends, and co-workers, and encourage them to not hesitate to submit information they may deem of interest to the FBI.


David N. Rushing/smc
Supervisory Special Agent
FBI Headquarters
Washington, D.C.

I KNEW there was some sort of scam going on! Besides, the only thing I EVER enter is the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!

I Actually Asked A Guy Out.. And..Well... More Spanish Studying

I feel:: aggravated
What song is on a loop in my head riht now:: something by Oteil And The Peacemakers

I've been studying Spanish some more. Test tomorrow. I hope I do well. I didn't do even half of the labs, but I did all except like 4 of the wkbk. Man, I hate those labs. There so frustrating. I guess if I did them more often, I would understand the speech better. Sometimes, it just sounds like all of the words run together.

I joined the Johnny Kelly Yahoo Fan Club because I'm a dork for Type O Negative. God, what a groupie am I.

I think I'm going to go and chill out to a movie or something. I'm restless and I'm hungry. I'm looking forward to going to King's X on Saturday with my date. (*gasp* I actually HAVE a date.) I'm sort of nervous and my body image is suffering because I'm nervous of what the guy will think of me. Well, I guess if he doesn't like me then it's his loss and he can just piss off. Gosh, I'm lonely though. I don't know if I'd have time for a bf, but I want a relationship. I don't know what I'd do if someone actually loved me in a relationship. I'd probably sabotage it out of fear.


Wow. I Feel Empowered.

I feel:: indescribable

I just submitted a tip to the FBI on their website. I have the weirdest feeling now. So, anyway, I wanted to tell everyone who reads my blog that I got this suspicious email from a company in the Netherlands called Lucky Day International telling me that I have won $500,000 US dollars, but I have to pay like 400-500 Euros to have the claim processed. I poked around on the internet and found where the Better Business Bureau of Northeastern Indiana has issued alerts about fraudulent lottery claims from the Netherlands and from other countries. I also found other chain letters from the same company that were awarding one million and five million US dollars and asking that the winner come to the Netherlands to claim the prize money, but they wanted proof of ID and bank account numbers sent to them BEFOREHAND. I think that this is an attempt at identity theft. Of course, I could be being paranoid, but I've never heard of anyone getting prize money that they had to pay in order to get and had to submit their bank account numbers before they were in the presence of the person who was going to transfer the money. Well, if I'm paranoid, then so be it.


Estudiando para un examen en mi clase de espanol en el martes. Y mi papa es un pendejo.

I feel:: frustrated
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Evanescence~Going Under

Blahblahblahblah... I've been working on spanish since 3pm. I'm about tired of it.

My dad let my cat out by "accident" last night. I had to go outside barefoot and chase him down. My dad was laughing. I felt like kicking him right in the balls and then asking him if he still thought it was funny. He pisses me off so much sometimes. I wish I could just tell him what is on my mind. He would be so surprised. Really though, he probably wouldn't give a shit.

I bombed my Civ test last Wednesday. I haven't gotten the test back yet, but I think I'll be lucky if I get a C on it. (Marcia, I thought you said this guy was easy.)

I watched Cherish's kids on Saturday night. That was ok. Her six year old got frustrated at one point while he was playing a handheld Tetris-like video game and yelled,"Bastard!". That was pretty funny, but he still got in trouble for it.

I have a date for the King's X show on this coming Saturday night. I asked a guy out. Wow. I've never done that before. And what's even stranger is that he said he wanted to go with me. Maybe I should start being more assertive with guys. They seem to like a bit of sassiness.

My Spanish test is on Tuesday and I'm so not ready. There's just so much info to be learned and I've been studying but I'm still nervous about it and I have a feeling that I'm not going to do well. I don't want to prophecy doom on myself or anything, but I'm anxious. Well, we do have like 3 xtra credit opportunities which I plan to take full advantage of. This semester hasn't started out very well. I hope it gets better. I hope I can be more disciplined with my study time. I also am having trouble retaining things I've learned. I'm having trouble getting things from my short-term memory bank into my long-term memory bank. I'm so distracted most of the time. I should probably get back on anti depressants.

Well, that's enough bitching and for now.


Used Again And Not Even By A Man...

I feel:: enraged
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Rammstein~Du Hast

I took the girl that I know who had the abortion to her doctor's appointment on Friday. We got there at 1:30 and her appointment was at 2:00. She didn't see the doc until 3:00 and I was there waiting on her until 4:00. So, that's 2 1/2 hours at the damn docs office. Fuckin free clinic likes to take their damn time. Well, I was running late for my guitar lesson and I was going to take her home and run home, get my guitar and go to my lesson. After that I was going to come home and study because I have a test in Civ on Wed over 5 chps and a test in Span III over Chp. 7 on Thurs. Well, she was all,"No, don't take me home, I want to hang out with you." So, I drove home with her, got my guitar, drove to my lesson and left her to wander around the store for half an hour. After that, I was like,"I really need to take you home. I'm so tired and I'm not feeling well." She completely ignored me and said,"Will you take me by the Game Room? I want to see if Adam is there." I was like,"Why do you want to see Adam?" She was all,"I just want to see if he's there." HELLO? ARE YOU FUCKING 15 YEARS OLD?!!! So, I sighed heavily and drove her over there. When we got there, she said,"Do you want to come in with me?" I was all,"NO I'M TIRED AND I DON'T FEEL WELL." After she got back in the car, I said, "I really need to take you home. I need to study, I'm tired and I feel sick." I was ignored AGAIN. She said,"Well, my dad will think something is up if I go home too early." WTF?!!! WHAT KIND OF LIE ARE YOU FOISTING ON ME,BITCH?!!! So, being the sucker that I am, I took her home with me. I felt like total shit. I made myself a green drink and finished my coffee. She was like,"Why do you feel so bad?" I said,"I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. There's only so much I can do in one day. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse." She said,"Can't you get some medicine from the doctor?" I was all, "No, CFS is incurable."

Now, there was a rapid change of subject to the boyfriend who got her pregnant and left her the week after she got her abortion. Then, she started cleaning the shit out from under her fingernails and wiping IT ON MY NEW CHAIR!!!!!!! I nearly slapped her. By this time, the urge to get away from her was so strong that I felt like my skin was on fire. So, I said,"I need to take you home. I need to be alone and study. You need to go home." She said again,"My dad will think it's weird if I come home at 9:00." I was all,"Whatever. I'm taking you somewhere else then. I can't be around you anymore." So, I took her back to the Game Room and she found Adam. I finally was rid of her at 10:00.

By that time, I was so tired that I couldn't study, so that day was a complete WASTE. I can't believe she wanted me to be her fucking taxi service. I've tried to be so supportive of her and to be her friend and she's going to turn around and take advantage of me like that! I have more than a sneaking suspicion that she lied to me about her dad thinking it would be weird if she came home early. I think she lied to her dad about what she was going to be doing. She's lied to him about everything else lately. I should not have let her take advantage of me like that, but I was so fucking tired, I felt like I was going to break down and cry or have a screaming nervous breakdown. I was about an inch away from being a hysterical screaming bitch. SHE WILL NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE. FUCKING BITCH IS GOING TO GET A PIECE OF MY DAMN MIND THE NEXT TIME I TALK TO HER.


Been Awhile

I feel:: blah

I'ts been a few days since I updated, obviously. I went to a funeral on Friday morning. Ashley's grandmother, Noni, died. She was about 84 or so, I think. I had never met her, but Ashley said she wanted me to be there with her, so I went. I cried and cried because everyone was so sad. Well, afterwards, I went to her family's get-together and ate. I ate a lot. There's something about being sad that enables me to eat an abnormaly large amount of food, plus it was raining on and off, so that added to the general mood as well.

I didn't do much of anything this weekend except study and study and more studying. I am so behind because of the little Dallas trip, but I had fun, so it's ok.
I hung out with Laney on Friday night. I went with her to sell clothes. That was interesting. She came over on Sunday as well to work on some of her online business stuff. She doesn't have her comp and things set up at her new place yet. Her new house is awesome, btw. It's huge. I think it was built in the 1930's. I just love old houses. There are so many cabinets in her kitchen, I doubt she'll ever use them all. Some are so high that you would need a ladder just to open them. They go all the way up to the ceiling, which is about 12 feet tall, probably.

Well, another boring night for me. I was trying to study Spanish, but I got bored with it and quit. I was also trying to read The Epic of Gilgamesh for my World Lit. class tomorrow night, but I kept getting all these phone calls, so that was pretty fruitless as well. I took a quiz in Algebra today and made a 50% on it. Not so good. AT ALL. But, at least I'm not all wigged out about it. I just sort of don't really care. I'm so sick of that class, I could scream. I think I'm going to take thequeenmac's advice and hang a punching bag in my garage. I saw there were some on sale at Sears when I was last there.

On a good note, my new corset should be here soon, I hope. I emailed the seller and she said that since it was being shipped from Canada, that it would take awhile to get here. I also won this very awesome top on Ebay tonight. I hope it gets here soon. I know that I'm hopeless when it comes to shopping. I felt like I needed some retail therapy. Now, I think I need some chocolate.

Oh yeah, the girl that I know who had the abortion, well, her boyfriend broke up with her the week after she had it. I knew he would, but I didn't tell her "I told you so" or anything. I didn't even mention to her before she got the abortion that he would most likely leave her afterwards. She doesn't understand why he's gone and she's super depressed now. I'm supposed to go with her on Friday to her check up/pap smear. I told her that she might want to ask about getting on anti depressants short term, considering that:
1. the guy that she was dating was her first; she was a virgin before she met him
2. she got pregnant and had an abortion
3. he left her the week after
4. she's in school and has that to deal with
5. she is fighting with her dad a lot right now. He knows something is going on, but she won't tell him anything. He feels like she's pushing him away and the only thing he can do is be mad at her, because he doesn't know how to express his feelings to her.

She is considering doing that. She's been calling me a lot, which is ok. I just sit and listen to her, which, I think, is what she needs.

Wow, I really need some chocolate, or some Prozac. Anyone wanna hook me up? :) Just kidding, I can buy my own chocolate.


Dallas Part II

I feel:: exhausted
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: something by Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band

I got back from four days in Dallas last night. Sally, Ashley and I went to Trees in Deep Ellum to see Type O Negative. It was an awesome show! We even met Dimebag from Pantera after the show. He was just hanging out in the parking lot. After that, we went to a club called The Curtain Club and saw a band called DownLo. They had just come off tour with Seven Mary Three and Godhead. They were really good. I wanted to meet the guys in Type O Negative, but I think Peter Steele was sick, because he was coughing a lot on the stage during their set and they also played kind of a short set. Anyway, maybe next time. I hope I get to see them again.

Saturday night we went back into Deep Ellum. What a nightmare. We didn't get there until like 12am and all of the streets were blocked off by the cops,so we had to park, literally, like a half mile from where we wound up. Ashley had her heart set on going to this club called Club One. It's a gay bar, which means it had the best dance floor. Well, I'm such a masochist that I wore my seven inch platform heels that night, not knowing that we would have to walk all that way. So, needless to say, by the time we got to the club (after wandering around Deep Ellum aimlessly for about half an hour) I was chanting the mantra,"It's not how you feel, it's how you look." over and over again. It didn't work. My feet hurt so bad I would have paid for a chair right then. Luckily, we finally found the club, whereupon, I got many compliments from the resident queens on my outfit, which was uber fab, by the way. The guy at the front door saw me and said,"Oh my god, I love you!" I loved him for gushing all over me. Well, we went inside and sat down. I was sweating like a whore in church by that time. Ashley went to dance and I sat down with Sally at a table. Well, Ashley promptly gained herself two dancing pets, who were fabulously good looking. I, on the other hand, managed to attract the attention of the only straight male in the club, which wouldn't have been bad for me except that 5 minutes after he sat down, he asked me to go home with him. Like I was only there to pick up someone. That pissed me off. Then, as if that wasn't enough, when I told him that I wouldn't go home with him, he asked me if Sally, Ashley and I were all lesbians and if we were could he come back to our hotel room and watch us. He is sooooo lucky that I didn't slap him. What an ass. He finally left after I killed him with kindness. ( I smiled at him sweetly and ignored him for the better part of an hour.) Ashley had fun, though and I'm glad she got to dance her little heart out. I met a really cute guy on Friday night named David, who had really long black hair and who smelled like cotton candy. I have his email and he has mine. So, we'll see what comes of that.

Our last day in Dallas was spent at Southfork Ranch, which is the place where Lorimar Studios shot the show Dallas. We were all touristy and took pics and rode the tram for the guided tour which was pulled by a tractor.



I'm leaving for Dallas tomorrow afternoon and my corset that I paid for last Thursday still hasn't come. Dammit. I really wanted to wear it to the Type O Negative show. Ritual Designs isn't going to get very good feedback from me.

I feel:: bitchy

I'm just so irritated at the moment. I'm doing laundry and I'm so friggin' tired. I've got like 2 more loads to wash and dry and it's nearly 2am. I have class tomorrow at 12:15. I'm irritated with Sally because she was all,"BE READY AT EXACTLY 2:00. I DON'T WANT TO BE PULLING INTO DALLAS AT 3AM!". Like I'M the one that makes us late all the time. Whatever. She doesn't even have to work tomorrow. Her mother does her laundry for her and cleans her room for her. Yes, irritation is the wordotheday. I should probably go and take some 5HTP. I feel like I'm premenstrual, but I'm not. And yes that was way too much information. I want to go to bed and finish all of this shit in the morning, but I don't want to make everyone run late, God forbid.

I'm watching some pointless show on VH1 called From Porn to Rock. They've got Bruce Springsteen recording some shit song called Disorder in the House. Who wrote this shit? It's fucking horrible.

Well, I got my new furniture delivered this morning. My chair that goes with my desk is missing a wood screw that it wasn't missing when I bought it. Anyone know where I can buy a wood screw? I love my desk and chair. I need an ottoman now, so I can prop my feet up. Kickin' back in teh hizzouse.

I'm not feeling particularly creative this evening(morning), or particularly inspired, so I guess I'll end this tirade of bitching. It's fortunate that I don't have a bf at this point, because he would probably be bitching about my bitching. I would feel sorry for him later and then I would have to apologize.