Animator vs. Animation

Rob Bresny's Taurus

Free Will Astrology

"In the human heart new passions are forever being born," said French writer Francois de La Rochefoucauld. "The overthrow of one almost always means the rise of another." I suppose that's true. We all have longings that come and go as we evolve. But I'd also like to propose an equally valid and contradictory truth: In every human heart there are a few passions that last a lifetime. They're with us from the moment we're born, and nothing can dilute their intensity. Our destiny revolves around them. These are the passions I hope you will define with precision and nurture with alacrity during the next eight weeks.
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I hardly even know or remember what my enduring passions are. One used to be singing. I've been told I have a great voice. One used to be God. The Overarching One. I think I've lost my "fire" so to speak. (I hate that term "on fire for God". I'm not sure what it is about that particular phrase, but it grates me.) I love God, but I'm pretty sure I love myself more. I've done art and poetry as a way to express my emotions and let those inner demons out onto an unsuspecting and unbelieving world, but that has dimmed as well. Mostly my goals for everyday are just to:

Get out of bed (very difficult sometimes);

Survive (also very difficult sometimes);

and finally, to go back to bed.

It sounds like an empty life and it is. I've been thinking about changing it, though. I've got to find something that makes me happy, right? Or at least something that makes me feel alive.

The picture of the chalice is appropo because it symbolizes something growing inside; something coming into its fruition. That's how I feel. I feel pregnant with possibilities. Like I have yet to give birth to my passions. I guess I'm a late bloomer.

The More I Fight, The More Stuck I Am

It's been over a year since I've used this blog. It's stupid, but I sort of (more than sort of) totally forgot my login info. I just worked it out yesterday. I used to have a Live Journal, but I've shut that down as of about a week or so ago because they have these lame adverts now if you have a free account.

So, I'm really frustrated right now. I just got a new job (today is the 3rd day) and I find myself thinking the same thing I've thought about every other job I've had: that it is totally bullshit and that I'll wind up hating it, quitting and then being depressed and unemployed again. As a matter of fact, I cried myself into quite a magnificent headache last night thinking about this among other things.

I am in a very depressed state. I yell at my cats and I know that they don't deserve it. I have no one else to talk to/yell at. That's not a valid excuse, I know. I slam doors and am just generally pissy all the time. I'm impatient with people when I talk to them. I don't know how much of this is apparent, because I'm too chicken shit to actually say something like, "Can you get on with this story?" or "I can't talk to you right now". I just wade through whatever someone is saying to me all the while thinking how pointless everything is while trying to act interested. That's horrible. I know it is and I've never been this way to this extent before. I hate it that I'm this way right now. Well, I generally hate pretty much everything about myself right now. I've been contemplating suicide on a daily basis several times a day, but I don't know if I would ever actually do it. I'm not trying to garner sympathy here or whatever. Just venting.