I Will Not Eat The Darkness: July 2015

It's 9:30am on a Wednesday morning and I'm sitting here at my mother's house with my daughter waiting for my car. I took it to the local mechanic about an hour ago because the brakes sounded like the pads had been worn down. When I would press the brake pedal harder than normal, for instance if I had to stop quickly, I would hear this sound like grinding metal on metal. This is so not good, especially considering that my car is only two years old. I'm actually afraid to call them back and hear what the damage is to my bank account. A couple of nights ago, my daughter and I had just gotten home from running errands for my mom and I had just gotten situated in my favorite chair in the living room and had flipped on the tv. The movie Hercules was on (the newer one with Dwayne Johnson) and the in the scene a bunch of soldiers were chanting "HER-CU-LES! HER-CU-LES!". My daughter heard it and started chanting, "FIGHT YER PEACH! FIGHT YER PEACH!". I was so tired that I collapsed in a fit of giggles. It actually reminded me of when I was a little girl hearing songs on the radio that my mother listened to and hearing the lyrics all wrong. I would sing the Creedence Clearwater Revival song 'Bad Moon on the Rise' as 'Bathroom on the Right' and the song lyric from 'Blinded By the Light' where the man sings "wrapped up like a deuce" as "wrapped up like a douche". It's funny what kids hear and interpret. I had my first appointment with my new pain doctor about a week ago. The reason I'm seeing a pain doctor is that after I had an MRI in June, my doctor told me that I have two 40 degree curves in my spine (Scoliosis), disc degeneration, disc slippage which is pressing my spinal nerve and spondylitis (which is basically inflammation of the tissue which connects the discs in the spine). I've been having pain radiating down my arms and legs, and pain in my back and neck from all of this. Sometimes I can barely walk. I've started to have to use those scooters at the grocery store because I find lately that I can't stand and/or walk long enough to shop. Anyway, my new pain doc prescribed for me Lyrica and a muscle relaxer called Zanaflex. I told her during the appointment that I knew that one of the side effects of Lyrica was weight gain so she put me on the lowest dose to start out and told me to monitor my weight closely. I've been on 50mg a day for about a week now and I've already gained 5lbs. I recently lost 40lbs and was hoping to lose about 60 more so that I could avoid back surgery so this 5lb weight gain, although not a significant amount, is disappointing especially since it happened in so short an amount of time. I've been hungry constantly. Not the kind of hungry where you think, "I'm kind of hungry. I think I'll fix something to eat." No. It's more like, "I have to eat NOW or I'm going to vomit.". Here is a list of side effects from Lyrica according to WebMd: LYRICA Side Effects List Lyrica side effects by likelihood and severity. The following side effects are associated with Lyrica: Common side effects of Lyrica: Blurred Vision -Severe Drowsiness -Severe Fluid Retention in the Legs, Feet, Arms or Hands -Severe Uncoordinated -Severe Weight Gain -Severe Cannot Focus Thoughts -Less Severe Dizzy -Less Severe Dry Mouth -Less Severe Infrequent side effects of Lyrica: Confused -Severe Decreased Blood Platelets -Severe Infection -Severe Inflammation of the Lining of the Stomach and Intestines -Severe Puffy Face from Water Retention -Severe Sensation of Spinning or Whirling -Severe Extreme Sense of Well Being -Less Severe Feeling Weak -Less Severe Head Pain -Less Severe Incomplete or Infrequent Bowel Movements -Less Severe Injury -Less Severe Sinus Irritation and Congestion -Less Severe Stomach Cramps -Less Severe Twitching -Less Severe Rare side effects of Lyrica: Chest Pain -Severe Difficulty Speaking -Severe Double Vision -Severe Giant Hives -Severe Having Thoughts of Suicide -Severe Hemorrhage of Blood Under the Skin -Severe Hives -Severe Low Blood Sugar -Severe Middle Ear Infection -Severe Muscle Spasm -Severe Pink EyeSevere Problem Behavior -Severe Problems with Bladder Control -Severe Prolonged P-R Interval observed on EKG -Severe Rash -Severe Reaction due to an Allergy -Severe Ringing in the Ears -Severe Small Skin Blister -Severe Trouble Breathing -Severe Visible Water Retention -Severe Voluntary Movement Difficulty -Severe Wheezing -Severe Abnormal Increase in Muscle Tone -Less Severe Abnormal Manner of Walking -Less Severe Altered Interest in Having Sexual Intercourse -Less Severe Anxious -Less Severe Backache -Less Severe Bronchitis -Less Severe Diarrhea -Less Severe Enlarged Breasts -Less Severe Feel Like Throwing Up -Less Severe Fever -Less Severe Fingernail and/or Toenail Disease -Less Severe Flu-Like Symptoms -Less Severe Frequent Urination -Less Severe Gas -Less Severe Inability to have an Erection -Less Severe Increased Hunger -Less Severe Involuntary Eye Movement -Less Severe Involuntary Quivering -Less Severe Itching -Less Severe Joint Pain -Less Severe Leg Cramps -Less Severe Loss of Memory -Less Severe Loss of One's Own Sense of Reality or Identity -Less Severe Low Energy -Less Severe Muscle Pain -Less Severe Muscle Weakness -Less Severe Nervous -Less Severe Numbness -Less Severe Problems with Eyesight -Less Severe Stupor -Less Severe Swelling of the Abdomen -Less Severe Throwing Up -Less Severe Looking at this list, I already have several of these side effects: increased hunger, swollen abdomen, puffy face, water retention, nausea, drowsiness and some others that are too embarrassing to mention. I'm going to have to rethink taking this. I don't think the side effects are worth it, especially the weight gain. I need more weight on me like I need a hole in the head.