Sad Boobs And Big-Girl Panties

Why is it that nearly every women's clothing retailer doesn't cater at all to so-called "plus-size" women? Why is it that nearly all "plus-size" clothing is so ugly and unflattering that vomit on plaid would look better?

Yeah. I went shopping yesterday. I felt like I needed a few things to add to my wardrobe for future interviews and hopefully a future job. I also thought I needed some retail therapy. I thought wrong. I went first to Target. Mistake. Nothing fit and if it did fit it was so unbelievably horrid...I don't have the words. Plus, there was some construction (I'm assuming that's what it was.) going on in the back of the store. Every few minutes there would be this super loud noise like a drill (I felt like it was drilling into my skull.) and a bunch of yee-haw sounding guys yelling at each other about what they were "fixin'" to do. Did that up my anxiety level? Yeppers. Did that make it easier to get out my uber-fine-toothed comb to plow through all of the hideousness that is the plus-size section? Nope. Did that make it any easier for this depression addled, eating disorder prone woman to look at herself half naked in the dressing room mirror which was flooded with that icky flourescent light? Nope. Nope. Nope. Did I leave Target swearing that not only would I never darken their door again but also never eat again? Yep.

My mantra for yesterday: Food is bad.
Then I went and got ice cream.

I continued to torture myself after Target and went to Penney's hoping to find a bra that would fit me. Now, let's be clear here. I wear a 38-40 DDD. At Penney's, I found all of two (count 'em TWO) bras in my size in the whole lingerie area. Plus, I found a strapless number I thought I would try on just for shits and giggles. Nowadays, most clothing and whatnot have those little exploding ink thingies attatched to them to prevent people from walking out with them. Well, the strapless bra I tried to try on had one of those too. I tried (I kid you not.) for 15 minutes to get that damn bra on. I worked myself into a lather trying to do it. Finally, I just sat down on the little shelf in the dressing room they try to pass off as a place to rest. So, I tried the other ones. They were so tight, I thought my boobs were going to choke me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for NOT having the "do your boobs hang low" look, but I don't want them all up in my neck either. I guess the insensitivity to people larger than average size extends all the way down to bras and panties. I had to get one though, because the bras that I have are not only too small but they make my boobs look sad. I can't have sad boobs. I'd rather have the pointy dangerous boobs. So, I got the boobs-in-my-neck bra.

So, to borrow a phrase from Girl, Dislocated, it was a big girl panty day yesterday (she says "put on your big girl panties and deal with it"). Aside from the fiasco that was shopping, I had several crying jags while driving around in my car and I brought some ice cream to one of my best friends while she was at work, but it turned out she was in a meeting and the ice cream melted before I could give it to her.
Yay.