NO PSYCHOS ALLOWED!!!
All I ask for from people who are in my life is a little non-psyho-ness. It seems as though I am a magnet for it, however. The guy I mistakenly had sex with a couple of weeks ago is getting all psycho on me. He calls me and tries to tell me things he said that he never did. Like he'll try to convince me we had a full conversation about something when I know for damn sure that we didn't. Tonight he called me and insisted that he asked me out for coffee yesterday and I refused. I haven't talked to him (other than tonight) since Sunday. I don't know what he's trying to do and he's freaking me out a little. (I kind of feel like he's trying to pull a "crazy" on the crazy girl. That's not going to work. Hello.) He's being a manipulative SOB; I know that for sure. I never should have gotten involved with him in any way.
What I want to know is this: What is it about me that makes guys turn psycho? Or are they already that way and I'm too blind to see it? This is not the first time some guy has gotten all weird. What's the deal? Is it my fault?
On a happier note, I have two interviews tomorrow for positions that are about 10 and 11 dollars an hour. It's not great money, but it's not bad money either. It's enough for me to support myself and that's really all I need. I feel like I need some security so that I can start feeling safe. Right now, safe is not the word I would use for the way I feel. I feel very un-safe. Unstable.
I'm also going to show my artwork to the lady at the local shop tomorrow, so maybe I'll have something positive to report on that front. That's really my dream is to make my living with my creativity. In whatever form it happens to come.
Goin' to bed.
Labels: fractals, health, my art, navel gazing
posted by Anais Nin at
12:13 AM
2 Comments:
All of my early boyfriends - from the guy in high school who set my hair on fire to the guy in college who ended up gay - turned out to be psycho in some form, after starting off normal-seeming. My husband seemed dark and intense from the start and turned out to be the most stable of them all. Who'd've thunk it?
I only had two boyfriends while I was in high school (the first one made his own meth in his grandad's trailer and the second one should have been prosecuted for statutory rape. I was 15; he was 23. Not a good start for me) and only one kinda-sorta boyfriend the first time I was in college. (I was a freshman when we dated. Years later I found out that he has a "thing" for freshmen and dates a new one every semester. So. Yeah. Pretty weird.)
Ever since then, pretty much every single one of my boyfriends, if that's what you can call them, have been off in some way. But not all of them call me up in the middle of the night drunk and trying to tell me about some conversation he imagined we had. I'm getting the dangerous vibe from him and I'm going to start avoiding him entirely. Thank Christ he doesn't know where I live. He's bugged me about coming over before, so I'm just really thankful right now that I stuck to my guns and never let him. He'd probably be stalking me right now. (I've had several of those too. *sigh*)
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