To Funny Not To Post


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has
got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For



Anonymous Nicole said...

Totally funny! Great post. I have three cats and a dog and yes - that is exactly what they are thinking! Thanks for passing that along!

February 22, 2007 8:18 AM  
Blogger Cheeky said...

That is freakin hilarious!!!

I am here via Blogging Chicks

February 22, 2007 4:26 PM  

Did you know that this Thursday is the last Thursday Thirteen?

February 22, 2007 5:50 PM  
Anonymous Wheat Free said...

Hilarious! Unfair on the cat I rather thought, but Hilarious!

Probably bang-on for the dog.

February 22, 2007 8:56 PM  
Blogger Anias Nin said...

the bluest butterfly: I had no idea that yesterday was the last TT! I haven't been participating in awhile because I haven't felt creative enough to write something interesting for it. It really makes me think. It's sad that I missed the last day.

wheat free: Yeah, it was a little unfair to the cat. I love cats. I have four. Sometimes, though, I do think they think some stuff like that.

February 23, 2007 7:04 AM  
Anonymous Wheat Free said...

I know what you mean ... some cats probably think that way. Must be a form of paranoia! Others though, are too paranoid to leave the house.

February 26, 2007 2:40 PM  
Blogger ebony said...

My pastor actually read this during a service not too long ago.

April 10, 2007 3:42 PM  

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