Thursday Thirteen (on Friday no less) #4
I feel:: bitchy, sleepy
Forgive me y'all. I've been a day behind all week this week. It's been kind of a bad week.
Thirteen Things about Anias Nin
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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1. I saw my first 3-D movie last night (Thursday. It still feels like Thursday for me because I went to bed at 10pm and got up at 2:30am. Now, it's 5:30 and I feel like this day has gone on forever.). It was the re-release of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Pretty weird. The whole time I was in the movie, I was thinking to myself,"I'm so glad I don't get high anymore." That was like a 2-hour acid trip. I liked it even though watching for the entire length of the movie strained my eyes. When my friend, Ashley, and I left the movie, I had onehelluva headache. I didn't think it was possible for eyes to actually hurt that badly. Anyway, I had a good time which is the most important thing.
2. Ashley said she'd heard some guy on a local radio station earlier today singing a song to the tune of an old June Carter song, but he changed the words to, "B double E double R -U -N. Beer Run". I can't remember how the June Carter song goes, but it's something like, "I'll get a ....... and you'll get a....... honey". If anyone would like to refresh my memory regarding that song I would love it because it's been gnawing at me ever since she first sung it in the car earlier. Anyway, I thought it was hysterical. What was even more funny is that when we got into the movie theater and sat down, (I always sit at the very top. I have this thing about people sitting behind me in movie theaters. It makes me paranoid.) we saw that we were only a few seats away from a group of what looked like redneck stoners. At one point before the movie started, the tall guy of the group got up and said something, but all I heard was "beer". Then, he turned to Ashley and I and said, "Y'all want some beer?" At which point we both looked at each other and sang in unison, "B double E double R -U -N. Beer Run". They laughed. We giggled our asses off. (And no, we didn't take them up on the offer of beer. We had snuck in our own contraband via my huge purse. Always take a huge purse to the movies, that way you can ghetto-style it and bring in all sorts of things...like tacos and fried chicken. You just have to wait 'till the lights go down to eat it. Besides, who wants to pay 5.00 dollars for a small soda when you just paid 10.00 just to get in the damn movie?)
3. I was supposed to go to math class yesterday and take a test, but I didn't. That's the second test I've missed. I suppose I'll have to drop that class too. That will leave me with only my Spanish class. God, this is a shitty semester. I hope the next one is better i.e. I don't have to drop so many classes and I don't have a major depressive episode every other damn day.
4. Y'all must excuse my excessive cursing. I'm still not completely over the anger I felt when I wrote that long rant the other day. I'm not so much pissed off like I was now I'm just uber-cranky.
5. My arm is pretty bad/ugly where I cut it up the other night. I did it with one of dad's serrated-edged knives. It's huge. I thought I heard the music from Psycho when I picked it up. Anyway, it's got a fever; it's warmer than normal to the touch. That means I've done myself a bad one this time. I've been washing it with antibacterial soap several times a day and keeping antiseptic wash on it. I really don't want it to get infected. At least it's not bleeding anymore. It does;however make me realize with a crystalline clarity just how sick I am and that no matter how good I feel, self-injury is never far away. There but for the grace of God go I and all that. I suppose that knowledge serves to keep me humble before God. Humbleness before God (and in my everyday life) is something I need-in spades. Among other things. Jesus that list could get really long.
6. I didn't do anything for Halloween this year. I didn't even give out candy. I just stayed in and watched horror flicks all night. When my dad got home from his nightly thing, he had some candy bars for me. So, it was pretty good. I did feel kind of selfish for not giving candy to the trick-or-treaters. But I usually dress up for Halloween even if I'm just staying home giving out candy. The children are usually afraid of me in whatever get up I choose. Last year, most of the children who came to my house had to be urged toward the door by their parents. They looked like they'd rather eat glass than come to my door, so maybe I did them a favor this year by not traumatizing them.
Ok, I'm going back to bed. Y'all will just have to wait until I wake up later to read the rest. Anway, if I continued right now you'd all probably die of boredom. You probably will anyway when I continue my list.
I'm up now. I've eaten and I think I'm as bright-eyed and busy-tailed as I'm going to get. So, on with the list....
7. Yesterday, I had to go up to UAMS (University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences), which is a huge campus. It's not only a hospital, but it's the only med school in the state. The campus also houses the State Mental Hospital where they have the non-violent crazies (like me) and the really violent ones. The campus is so big that when I went in the main doors and went up to the information desk to ask where the Outpatient Pharmacy was, the lady behind the desk paged a guy who drives a little golf cart to drive me to it. Holy crap. I don't know if any of y'all have ever had this experience, but it feels kind of like what I always wanted to do with a wheelchair-get in it and go obscenely fast so that everyone rushes to get out of your way. That's kind of what it was like. That was absolutely the best part of my day. I might even apply for that job. I know they have more than one golf-cart-driving person at that hospital. They have to. The campus takes up like a 5-mile radius.
8. The purpose of my going to UAMS yesterday was so that I could get my first M.A.P. prescriptions filled. I applied a few weeks ago for a program at UAMS called the Medication Assistance Program and it turns out that I'm so far below the poverty line that I qualify to get all my meds for free. Bonus! My psych meds are so damn expensive; it's unbelievable. Anyway, after my funfunfun ride to the Outpatient Pharmacy, I went up to the counter and handed the pharmacist this little blue coupon that the lady in charge of the M.A.P. program had given me. According to her, that was all I needed to get my prescriptions. I should have known it wouldn't be that simple. The pharmacist, who was extremely nice and patient, told me that she needed acutal written prescriptions from my psychiatrist in order to fill them. I thought, "No problem. I know he's at work. I'll just call him and let him talk to her." Good idea, right? (I thought so too.) I called. He wasn't there. One of the ladies in the office paged him. He never called back. Realize that now I've been at the hospital for over 2 hours. only about 10 minutes of which was spent on the ride over to the pharmacy. I finally got my prescriptions at like 4:30. What was amazing about that, other than the fact that I had to wait for over 2 hours to get only two prescriptions filled, was that the whole time I never got mad. Usually, when I'm in situations like that, I get soooo bitchy, but yesterday I was all peaches and cream. Weird. Maybe it was the golf cart ride over. It was so freakin' funny to see self-important doctors grab the hospital walls when the saw the cart coming. I had giggled myself right into a stomach cramp by the time he dropped me off at the pharmacy.
9. I've had two dreams in the past two weeks (one per week) where I was in some kind of prison trying to escape. I'm a firm believer that our subconscious mind speaks to us through dreams and I'm wondering just what kind of prison I'm in. I mean, I can name off several things that are wrong with me, but I just don't know for sure what it is. I don't read those "dream analysis" books because everything is so general that anyone could apply anything in one of those books to any part of their life, not to mention their dreams. I've been thinking/praying about this since I had the first dream 2 weeks ago.
10 I submitted an appeal to the Financial Aid office 2 weeks ago because the fucking twat who is my financial aid advisor made an egregious mistake on my Income Verification Worksheet. Then, she had the nerve to try to blame it on me. That was the day I had my screaming hissy fit in the car. What's even better was that when I turned the paperwork in, which was a letter written by me and a general form, the twat was the only one working the financial aid desk at that time. I can remember repeating to myself, "I am a tree in the wind. I can bend. I can bend. I can bend." Thankfully, she didn't take any notice of me. I don't think she even looked at me. Thank God for small favors. Anyway, the mistake she made cost me my entire Pell Grant, which is something over $1,000.00 dollars. Understand, the refund check I get from my student loans and grants is the only money I have to live on, hence the reason I was so furious with her. (God, I'm pissed again just thinking about how she treated me. I so wanted to right-hook her right in her fucking sorority-blonde face.) So, according to the form I turned in, the wait time for a response is 2-4 weeks. This coming week will be the start of the third week, so I'm hoping to hear something pretty soon. If everything goes well, I'll be able to buy Christmas presents for my dad, mom and friends. *crosses fingers*
11. I've got to go out of the house today to yet another pharmacy to pick up another Lamictal starter kit, because the lady that is in charge of the M.A.P. program at UAMS,who was supposed to contact me last week so that I could come and get another coupon for the Lamictal prescription, didn't. So, in addition to the cluster-fuck that was my experience at the Outpatient Pharmacy yesterday, I had to call around to umpteen different pharmacies to see who stocked this particular Lamictal starter kit. I found one. One pharmacy out of the 10 or so that I called. The thing is, I don't want to leave the house today. I'm feeling rather anti-social, my left eye is twitching and I haven't bathed in a week (I think.). Needless to say, I'm in pretty bad shape today. All I want to do is to go back to bed and sleep the drugged sleep my psychiatric meds give me. I know, I know it's a cop out and I hate myself for being this way. But, I have to go get that starter kit today because I only have on pill left and if I skip even one day I'll have to start all over again with the dosage titration. What fun that would be *note sarcasm*.
12. Wow, I'm pretty bitchy today, aren't I? I think I need some ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better. At least temporarily.
13. I'm also craving some more cheesy horror flicks. I wonder if there's anything playing on the boob tube that's good? *rhetorical question* "Snarky" seems to be my middle name today.
Forgive me y'all. I've been a day behind all week this week. It's been kind of a bad week.
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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1. I saw my first 3-D movie last night (Thursday. It still feels like Thursday for me because I went to bed at 10pm and got up at 2:30am. Now, it's 5:30 and I feel like this day has gone on forever.). It was the re-release of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Pretty weird. The whole time I was in the movie, I was thinking to myself,"I'm so glad I don't get high anymore." That was like a 2-hour acid trip. I liked it even though watching for the entire length of the movie strained my eyes. When my friend, Ashley, and I left the movie, I had onehelluva headache. I didn't think it was possible for eyes to actually hurt that badly. Anyway, I had a good time which is the most important thing.
2. Ashley said she'd heard some guy on a local radio station earlier today singing a song to the tune of an old June Carter song, but he changed the words to, "B double E double R -U -N. Beer Run". I can't remember how the June Carter song goes, but it's something like, "I'll get a ....... and you'll get a....... honey". If anyone would like to refresh my memory regarding that song I would love it because it's been gnawing at me ever since she first sung it in the car earlier. Anyway, I thought it was hysterical. What was even more funny is that when we got into the movie theater and sat down, (I always sit at the very top. I have this thing about people sitting behind me in movie theaters. It makes me paranoid.) we saw that we were only a few seats away from a group of what looked like redneck stoners. At one point before the movie started, the tall guy of the group got up and said something, but all I heard was "beer". Then, he turned to Ashley and I and said, "Y'all want some beer?" At which point we both looked at each other and sang in unison, "B double E double R -U -N. Beer Run". They laughed. We giggled our asses off. (And no, we didn't take them up on the offer of beer. We had snuck in our own contraband via my huge purse. Always take a huge purse to the movies, that way you can ghetto-style it and bring in all sorts of things...like tacos and fried chicken. You just have to wait 'till the lights go down to eat it. Besides, who wants to pay 5.00 dollars for a small soda when you just paid 10.00 just to get in the damn movie?)
3. I was supposed to go to math class yesterday and take a test, but I didn't. That's the second test I've missed. I suppose I'll have to drop that class too. That will leave me with only my Spanish class. God, this is a shitty semester. I hope the next one is better i.e. I don't have to drop so many classes and I don't have a major depressive episode every other damn day.
4. Y'all must excuse my excessive cursing. I'm still not completely over the anger I felt when I wrote that long rant the other day. I'm not so much pissed off like I was now I'm just uber-cranky.
5. My arm is pretty bad/ugly where I cut it up the other night. I did it with one of dad's serrated-edged knives. It's huge. I thought I heard the music from Psycho when I picked it up. Anyway, it's got a fever; it's warmer than normal to the touch. That means I've done myself a bad one this time. I've been washing it with antibacterial soap several times a day and keeping antiseptic wash on it. I really don't want it to get infected. At least it's not bleeding anymore. It does;however make me realize with a crystalline clarity just how sick I am and that no matter how good I feel, self-injury is never far away. There but for the grace of God go I and all that. I suppose that knowledge serves to keep me humble before God. Humbleness before God (and in my everyday life) is something I need-in spades. Among other things. Jesus that list could get really long.
6. I didn't do anything for Halloween this year. I didn't even give out candy. I just stayed in and watched horror flicks all night. When my dad got home from his nightly thing, he had some candy bars for me. So, it was pretty good. I did feel kind of selfish for not giving candy to the trick-or-treaters. But I usually dress up for Halloween even if I'm just staying home giving out candy. The children are usually afraid of me in whatever get up I choose. Last year, most of the children who came to my house had to be urged toward the door by their parents. They looked like they'd rather eat glass than come to my door, so maybe I did them a favor this year by not traumatizing them.
Ok, I'm going back to bed. Y'all will just have to wait until I wake up later to read the rest. Anway, if I continued right now you'd all probably die of boredom. You probably will anyway when I continue my list.
I'm up now. I've eaten and I think I'm as bright-eyed and busy-tailed as I'm going to get. So, on with the list....
7. Yesterday, I had to go up to UAMS (University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences), which is a huge campus. It's not only a hospital, but it's the only med school in the state. The campus also houses the State Mental Hospital where they have the non-violent crazies (like me) and the really violent ones. The campus is so big that when I went in the main doors and went up to the information desk to ask where the Outpatient Pharmacy was, the lady behind the desk paged a guy who drives a little golf cart to drive me to it. Holy crap. I don't know if any of y'all have ever had this experience, but it feels kind of like what I always wanted to do with a wheelchair-get in it and go obscenely fast so that everyone rushes to get out of your way. That's kind of what it was like. That was absolutely the best part of my day. I might even apply for that job. I know they have more than one golf-cart-driving person at that hospital. They have to. The campus takes up like a 5-mile radius.
8. The purpose of my going to UAMS yesterday was so that I could get my first M.A.P. prescriptions filled. I applied a few weeks ago for a program at UAMS called the Medication Assistance Program and it turns out that I'm so far below the poverty line that I qualify to get all my meds for free. Bonus! My psych meds are so damn expensive; it's unbelievable. Anyway, after my funfunfun ride to the Outpatient Pharmacy, I went up to the counter and handed the pharmacist this little blue coupon that the lady in charge of the M.A.P. program had given me. According to her, that was all I needed to get my prescriptions. I should have known it wouldn't be that simple. The pharmacist, who was extremely nice and patient, told me that she needed acutal written prescriptions from my psychiatrist in order to fill them. I thought, "No problem. I know he's at work. I'll just call him and let him talk to her." Good idea, right? (I thought so too.) I called. He wasn't there. One of the ladies in the office paged him. He never called back. Realize that now I've been at the hospital for over 2 hours. only about 10 minutes of which was spent on the ride over to the pharmacy. I finally got my prescriptions at like 4:30. What was amazing about that, other than the fact that I had to wait for over 2 hours to get only two prescriptions filled, was that the whole time I never got mad. Usually, when I'm in situations like that, I get soooo bitchy, but yesterday I was all peaches and cream. Weird. Maybe it was the golf cart ride over. It was so freakin' funny to see self-important doctors grab the hospital walls when the saw the cart coming. I had giggled myself right into a stomach cramp by the time he dropped me off at the pharmacy.
9. I've had two dreams in the past two weeks (one per week) where I was in some kind of prison trying to escape. I'm a firm believer that our subconscious mind speaks to us through dreams and I'm wondering just what kind of prison I'm in. I mean, I can name off several things that are wrong with me, but I just don't know for sure what it is. I don't read those "dream analysis" books because everything is so general that anyone could apply anything in one of those books to any part of their life, not to mention their dreams. I've been thinking/praying about this since I had the first dream 2 weeks ago.
10 I submitted an appeal to the Financial Aid office 2 weeks ago because the fucking twat who is my financial aid advisor made an egregious mistake on my Income Verification Worksheet. Then, she had the nerve to try to blame it on me. That was the day I had my screaming hissy fit in the car. What's even better was that when I turned the paperwork in, which was a letter written by me and a general form, the twat was the only one working the financial aid desk at that time. I can remember repeating to myself, "I am a tree in the wind. I can bend. I can bend. I can bend." Thankfully, she didn't take any notice of me. I don't think she even looked at me. Thank God for small favors. Anyway, the mistake she made cost me my entire Pell Grant, which is something over $1,000.00 dollars. Understand, the refund check I get from my student loans and grants is the only money I have to live on, hence the reason I was so furious with her. (God, I'm pissed again just thinking about how she treated me. I so wanted to right-hook her right in her fucking sorority-blonde face.) So, according to the form I turned in, the wait time for a response is 2-4 weeks. This coming week will be the start of the third week, so I'm hoping to hear something pretty soon. If everything goes well, I'll be able to buy Christmas presents for my dad, mom and friends. *crosses fingers*
11. I've got to go out of the house today to yet another pharmacy to pick up another Lamictal starter kit, because the lady that is in charge of the M.A.P. program at UAMS,who was supposed to contact me last week so that I could come and get another coupon for the Lamictal prescription, didn't. So, in addition to the cluster-fuck that was my experience at the Outpatient Pharmacy yesterday, I had to call around to umpteen different pharmacies to see who stocked this particular Lamictal starter kit. I found one. One pharmacy out of the 10 or so that I called. The thing is, I don't want to leave the house today. I'm feeling rather anti-social, my left eye is twitching and I haven't bathed in a week (I think.). Needless to say, I'm in pretty bad shape today. All I want to do is to go back to bed and sleep the drugged sleep my psychiatric meds give me. I know, I know it's a cop out and I hate myself for being this way. But, I have to go get that starter kit today because I only have on pill left and if I skip even one day I'll have to start all over again with the dosage titration. What fun that would be *note sarcasm*.
12. Wow, I'm pretty bitchy today, aren't I? I think I need some ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better. At least temporarily.
13. I'm also craving some more cheesy horror flicks. I wonder if there's anything playing on the boob tube that's good? *rhetorical question* "Snarky" seems to be my middle name today.
Labels: Thursday Thirteen
posted by Anais Nin at
6:09 AM
3 Comments:
Yum! Ice cream sounds like a great idea, except that it is cold outside! :) What is your favorite kind?
I eat ice cream all year 'round. :D
I don't know what my fave kind is really. I'll eat pretty much any kind of ice cream. I'm a freak for it. When I go grocery shopping, I have to literally chant a mantra to myself,"I will not buy ice cream, I will not buy ice cream." If I ate as much as I wanted I'd be as big as a house!
I think golf carts should just become part of daily life, really. Think of the possibilities... like, say, at the grocery store.
Gives "drive thru" a whole new meaning.
Sorry about the idiot at financial aid. My experience through most of college was that the financial aid offices were staffed by DMV rejects... people who were too nasty to work at the DMV, that is. Which is saying a lot in New York...
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