15.6.08

Post Secret Sunday


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I'm supposed to be celebrating my father today. I just can't. I do love him. There's just so much else wrapped up in the way I feel about him: anger, resentment, bitterness, rage, sadness, pity...

I wrote a few weeks ago on Beautiful Dreamer's Journal asking her: when do we stop expecting our parents to be something they're not? I have trouble with expecting dad to be what I think he should be, but he's not and never will be. I struggle with accepting him for who he is. I would bet money that he has the same problem with me.

Throughout my childhood and adolescent years, and even into my early adulthood, he's tried to persuade me to be a thing he could accept and be proud of. I have never been what he thought I should be. I think that's where the crux of our problem with each other is and is the foundation for everything else that has happened between us.

More on this later....

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