I'm Banging My Head Again

I'm trying to figure out this "Google Page Rank" thing. I'm trying to get accepted for a review site sort of like PayPerPost and they keep denying me because...well, they really don't give a specific reason. I just get a message telling me that my blog's page rank isn't high enough and to come back in a couple of months. Also, on PayPerPost now some of the opportunities require a certain Google PR. The last time I checked, my blog was 0/10, but I got one email from PayPerPost regarding one of my paid opportunites that my blog had to be at least a PR 6 and that it was only a PR 3.

I feel like pulling all my hair out. I've been trying to read up on the Google thing and everything I read goes right over my head. It makes me feel frustrated and stupid. I got so excited when I found PayPerPost and then began to find all sorts of other ways to make money with my blog. I haven't been that excited in a long time. I could work at home, still go to school...I could even do it through grad school. Now, though, I feel like I've hit a brick wall and I have no clue what to do. You know, realistically speaking, there is almost no way I could get a conventional job what with my emotional disorders. I can barely handle going to school. How could I handle going to a job? Every job I've had I've hated except doing this writing. I remember telling my dad when I was in high school that I would never do anything jobwise that I hated. I have done that ever since I started working. I feel like I copped out. Played it safe. I hate myself now more than I hated all the different jobs I had. The people I worked for just wanted a warm body to fill a space. That's it. I wasn't a person to them. Just an employee number. I want to be a person, not a number.

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't have this blog only to make money. I need a place to air my thoughts, to let them be cohesive and congeal. I air practically all of my dirty laundry on here and it's not that I don't care who reads it. I do. It's not a popularity contest by any means. I just want to make some money. I figured since I've got some talent for writing, I'd make use of it and try to do posts for these companies that pay for the adverts. I try to make them as interesting as I can and to make them fit in with my blog.

Here we go again. I believe I've gnawed on this bone before.

If anyone would care to take the time to try to explain this to me, I would so much appreciate it.

God-I'm frustrated. I miss David. I miss Sally. I miss Tanya.