...And I Wasn't Even High. I Swear.

I've spoken before about the fact that I have Celiac Disease and on top of that I'm allergice to wheat as well. So, wheat products are basically toxic for me. That said, I was looking around the house earlier for something sweet to eat. Y'know you all get those cravings. Don't deny it. You know who you are.

Standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open and not really thinking anything, I spotted this bowl of ready make cheesecake filling I had bought the last time I went shopping. It's just the filling-no crust involved, which is perfect for me because I love cheesecake. (Yeah, I have the dairy thing to watch out for as well, but it's not nearly as severe as the wheat thing. I freakin' love dairy products. Well, except cow's milk. I've been drinking soy milk for so long now that I can't even stand the smell of it. It always smells sour to me no matter how fresh the bottle says it is.) I pulled the bowl out and thought to myself, "I'll just eat this right out of the bowl", but it turned out to be kind of bland. Y'know, cheesecake sans graham cracker crust just don't taste right. So I got to thinking what I had in my cabinets that I could add to it to make something creative, but still good.

First, I grabbed the bottle of strawberry preserves (I bought that squeeze bottle. You know, the one you have to sit upside down in the fridge. I also bought it because when it's nearly empty, it makes loud fart noises and my dad can't stand it. Just a little entertainment for me.) and I squeezed out some into the bowl a little at a time. Squeeze. Stir. Taste. Squeeze. Stir. Taste. Until finally, I got it the way I wanted it. I thought I was finished then, but it was still lacking something, so back I trotted to the kitchen with bowl of ready-made-cheesecake + strawberry preserves in hand. I stood in the middle of the kitchen (in the semi-dark) and just looked around. Aha! Rice Krispies. So I put some of those in with the cheesecake and strawberry preserves. Same method as before. Pour. Stir. Taste. Pour. Stir. Taste. Until it tasted right to me. In fact, I thought it was damn good if I do say so myself.

I then took it out on the back porch to test my experiment on Dad. I said, "Taste this and see if you like it." He looked at me in the dark, dubiously, and said, "What is it?" I said, "Strawberry Cheesecake Rice Krispie Treats." He still looked doubtful, but he took a small spoon of it and put it to his mouth like he was being forced to eat glass. Then, all of the sudden, he turned to me and said, like he was surprised-as-shit that I actually made something good, "I really like this!" Then silence for a couple of seconds while I turned to go back inside. Just as I was getting to the back door, I hear him say, "Are you going to eat all of that?"

What's amazing to me is that I made these things 16 years after I stopped smoking pot. I mean, let's truth-it-out here: strawberry cheesecake rice krispie treats are something that people make when they're so stoned that they could eat cardboard and like it. I know, I've been in that state before and the food that materialized I can't even talk about because it was so stomach-churning. But these are good! I'm actually thinking about taking some to my family Christmas thing. I may improve on the recipe, though. Like add some chocolate chips or maybe marshmallows. I'm going to have to experiment with it. Of course, you know, Dad will be my guinea pig.

It's at times like this when I think to myself, "Maybe there is a cook laying dormant underneath all my non-domesticity." Then, I come to my senses and realize that the only things I make well are desserts and that's only because I am ruled by my sweet tooth. Everything else I eat is pretty much canned, packaged and processed (except for the salad-I love salad).

I guess the no-wheat-gluten thing is forcing me to be creative with my food. That's a good thing since I've never really been that creative with food. For instance, I now eat PB&Js on corn tortillas. It may sound gross to you, but it's really good. I was telling Sally one day that they would probably be really good if I could find a way to fry them without all the stuff inside getting all melted. Too fatty, though, for regular eating. Like I said, my brain is a one-track-dessert-mind. Basically, corn tortillas have replaced my bread. Anything I used to use bread for...I now use that. Again, it does require some creativity on my part, but the longer I go without eating wheat products the better I feel and when I do give in and eat something, like brownies or whatever, and get to coughing with the asthma my allergy to wheat causes and then the body pains come. They radiate from my stomach area. Not fun. It's then that I realize how dumb what I just did was and it makes me more committed to living gluten-free.



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