Snowbird

I love to go on vacations. Usually, Sally, Tanya and I go to Florida (Destin) every year and rent a condo. I can't describe how much I love being near the sea and how much I love the smell of the salt air. I would love to have a house right on the beach just so I could go out on my veranda every morning, drink my coffee, breathe in the salt air, watch the waves roll in and be comforted by the ever-present sounds of the ocean. That's my dream. Well, one of them anyway.

I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. I even mentioned it to Sally and Tanya a few years ago instead of going to Destin, but I don't think between the three of us that we had enough money. (Poo.) I've been to the Bahamas (that was way back in 1984), but according to what I've heard, Hawaii is totally different from any other place I've been that is bordered by ocean. There are active volcanoes you can go see and the beaches are totally different. When I was younger, I heard a lot about the North Shore because some of my friends were aspiring surfers and that was supposed to be the Mecca of surfing because of the awesome waves. I don't care about the surfing part. I just think it would be so awesome just to go there and see them.

When I was a little girl, I used to fantasize about my perfect wedding, as I'm sure a lot of other little girls did. At first, my imagination produced a grandiose, extravagant and, I must admit, a tad ostentatious monstrosity. I guess I just wanted to be noticed and to feel like people loved me. I didn't understand then that just because you know a lot of people and they show up at a wedding doesn't necessarily mean they like or respect you. They may just be crashing or coming for the food. A huge wedding isn't the end-all-be-all of existence like I used to imagine it was (I also used to imagine I was a fairy and a mermaid amongst other things. I think the grandiosity of the fantasy wedding was my attempt at escapism. I watched too many Disney movies as a child and was always waiting for my Prince Charming.I kind of always lived in a fantasy world as a child. It was better than the real one.)I actually had this fantasy up until I was in my early twenties, but Prince Charming must have been rescuing some other girl, because he never showed up in my life. Now I wonder if there is such a thing.

As I got older and gained a little common sense and more self-esteem, my imagination and my heart became more in sync with each other and I realized that my fantasy wedding wasn't something gigantous with lots and lots of people, a huge ornate cake and a fairy princess dress. I realized that, for me, it would be just for show. You know, to impress other people. I said in a previous post that what other people think of me sometimes takes me over and that sometimes I try too hard to get people to like/love me. It was even more so when I was a little girl because I had no self-esteem at all due to the things that happened in my childhood.

I have always loved the sea (This began at a very young age. My father used to take me to Florida (Ft. Walton Beach) every year, beginning at about age 6 or 7, and I spent most of my waking hours either on the patio watching the ocean or on the beach just being near it. I even slept outside on the patio at times just so the sound of the waves could lull me to sleep.) and I think now that my fantasy wedding would most likely be in Hawaii, possibly on Maui. Maui Wedings. Cool. On the beach with just my closest friends and family (the ones who love me), with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore for the music. I don't know if I'll ever actually get married (the groom seems to be absent or stuck in traffic somewhere), but if I ever do, that's the kind of wedding I'd want.

Perfect.