13.9.06

Specificamente

I feel:: better than I did yesterday


A new poem I wrote the day before yesterday:

~untitled~
~Peel the flesh from the bone
inch-by-inch
layer by layer
until there is nothing
but
blood, muscle and bone

I see me there on a cold slab
raw meat
Afraid
Trembling
Not knowing what Misery has in store for me
I can only lay paralyzed
waiting for the next cut
the next needle
poke
prod
or evisceration
Misery has created a this hellish existence especially for me.
My wounds heal and my skin grows back
only to be slowly,
painstakingly
peeled off
again and again
for Misery's pleasure

I miss David so much. ~


I meant to post this yesterday. It was a particularly bad day. I didn't leave the house or even go to class. I doped myself up on Klonopin and stayed numb all day and most of the night. I feel somewhat better today because I did manage last night to complete a big assignment for my Spanish class. I had to write a paper, which is, to say the very least a daunting task, considering I haven't had any Spanish classes for about 2 years. I think I did pretty well on it, though. I wrote it late/early this morning; like 1 or 2am. I had to wait for the Klonopin fog to wear off.

Today's "Oh Shit" #1= I forgot to go to therapy this morning. My time was changed from 11am on Wednesdays to 8am on Wednesdays. I told my therapist I would try to make it at that time, but I couldn't make any guarantees and I also told him that I'm so not a morning person, so he shouldn't be surprised if I'm uber-cranky. It's only fair to give him that warning. I'm cranky until I've had a couple of cups of very strong coffee.

So to counter with something positive: I've discovered that I like New Orleans' style coffee with chickory. It's my new favorite coffee. It has a bit of a different tang to it like everything and everyone does that comes from New Orleans.

I really hope today will be a good day. It feels that way right now, but I might be editing this later with more "Oh Shit" things that I either forgot to do or with something that I fucked up.

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