Anyone for a slightly used Pancreas? It's only a little traumatized and only been dropped once. I swear.

I feel:: like I have a migraine
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Over The Rhine~Suitcase

Rasputina~Thimble Island

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From my written journal
I feel shaky this morning, although, my waking BSL was 125. I don't know if it's truly my BS being that high or if it's my adrenaline pushing it that high. I also woke up with the headache that I am now growing accustomed to, since it has been happening practically every day for the last several months. Now, I know that is caused by low BSL.

So, let's see: shakiness, headache, sweating, and tachycardia. I'd say my adrenaline was high right now instead of my BSL. (At least I can write fairly legibly this morning.) Another thing that is probably making my BSL highter than it has been on waking all week is the fact that I ate a huge bowl of ice cream last night. I'm sure my BSL would have been higher this morning had I not started coughing violently (I'm allergic to milk. I'm a masochist. What can I say? I love ice cream.)right after I finished eating it and promptly vomited all of it into the bathroom sink. That's probably another reason for the high BSL reading this morning. My adrenaline probably dumped into my blood stream during the coughing/vomiting spell and then overnight, while I slept, my BSL dropped and adrenaline was dumped into my blood stream again to counteract the lowness of the BSL.

I feel guily about all of the vomiting I did last night. I mean, I wasn't coughing hard enough for all of the ice cream to come up. I made it come up. I got scared that all the sugar I'd just ingested would leave me in a worse state than I was Monday morning. So, I panicked, wanting to get as much of it as possible out of my stomach before it could be absorbed into my blood stream. I guess you could say it was a classic binge/purge episode.

I can't do that again. I don't want to set up in my mind that eating=fear, guilt and purging. I already have enough trouble with eating as it is. I don't need to add purging to the list. God, why do I crave sugary shit so badly?

P.S. Rasputina-Monday June 19,2006-Vino's,Little Rock, AR-8pm. I'm so there. I don't even care if no one else goes with me. Omg it's RASPUTINA!


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