17.4.06

Mi Angelitos (Tambien "Cahones y Pshychologia")

I feel:: anxious
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Over The Rhine~Go Down Easy

So... yesterday, I managed to grow some cahones and lay everything out on the table for Marshall regarding how I feel about him. I ended it by saying this,"I would like it if we could see more of each other than just at church." His response,"I don't think that's a good idea right now." When I asked if there was a specific reason why and adding this statement, "Do you just not see me as anything other than a friend?", he said, "Well, we have a good friendship. I like our friendship and I'm comfortable with it." I can't say I wasn't disappointed, but I figured if I ventured out there to tell him then I should be ready for whatever he says in response, but what confused me is what he said next, "So, what are you doing tonight? Are you and your girlfriends going out?" I think I stuttered for a milisecond before I regained my composure and told him that Tanya had told me that she was going to call me after she got off work because she wanted me to go to Wal Mart with her. After I told him that he said,"Well, I think I'm going to go over to Richard's to help him with his play." Talk about mixed signals. I'm at a loss here.

When I told Tanya about it last night, she said that I should just back off now and let him make the next move. I'm inclined to think she's right. Well, at least I told him how I feel. What I want to know now is how he feels, but he doesn't seem to want to let me get close to him. Another thing I was thinking about: If we have a "good friendship" then we should be able to hang out with each other when we're not at church. I hang out with Tanya and Sally when I'm not at church and they are my best friends. I hang out with Laren at his house. He even cooked for me and drove all the way out here when he didn't have to and cleaned up all that water for me and we're friends. I just don't understand why I have to be kept at, like, a 10-foot ladder distance. I'm adult enough to accept it if he only wants a friendship with me, but what kind of a friendship is it when you only see each other once a week and talk even less? I don't know. I'm confused and I'm sort of mad, but I'm not sure if I should be mad or not. *sigh* Men.

I also just found out that I have a 4-chapter test in Sensation and Perception tomorrow and because that Martha/Scarlett talk didn't go so well, I haven't read a single chapter. I had planned to read a chapter a day starting on Friday, so that I wouldn't be overloaded and have to cram, but here I am fixin' to have to cram 4 chapters of knowledge into my brain in just several hours. Dammit. I had a feeling this was going to happen. Just goes to show: You should never ignore "the vibe".

Lil' Bit all tuckered out
Lil' Bit all tuckered out


Silver peeks at me
Silver peeks at me


Mija gets his close up
Mija gets his close up


Mija hates the WalMart sack and it hates him back
Mija hates the WalMart sack and it hates him back


Mija explores the washing machine
Mija explores the washing machine

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