21.3.06

The First Poem I've Written In About Two Years

I feel:: crushed
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: No music. I can't sleep again. I'm fucking frustrated.

The Neurons are firing and Singing along the Nodes of Ranvier and The Synaptic Gap is full of Serotonin. In Short: Prozac Speaks.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I am not you.
Please try to remember this
as I remember that you
are not me.
I don't think the way you do.
I don't reason the way you do.
I don't act in the same ways you do.
I am not you.
Please try to remember this
as I try to remember that I am not you.
The things I do for myself or to myself
you may not understand,
but please try to remember that
I am not you
just as you are not me.
Please validate my feelings
and my experiences
when I trust you enough to reveal them to you.
Otherwise, you leave me feeling as though there is something wrong with me.
As if I should be you.
Please don't judge me because I'm vulnerable.
Please don't judge my failings.
I judge myself enough.
Please don't tell me that I can will myself to get better.
When I hear you say that it makes me feel like everything I've just said is not important to you,
because you were only waiting your turn to speak.
Would you tell a person who is waiting for a kidney transplant to will themselves better?
Would you tell a person who has terminal cancer to will themselves better?
Would you tell a paraplegic that they could will themselves to move their body again?
This thing that plagues me; this thorn in my mind will never go away.
I don't need to be fixed.
I need to survive.
You have achieved great things in your life by
overcoming your past and enduring the present
by sheer force of will.
Know this and please remember it:
My will is just as strong,
but different.
My faith in God is even stronger.
I will know and remember that I can be separate from and
not lost in you as I once was.
That is why I ask you with so much pain
with so much fear
with so much hope:
Please don't try to lead me and
please don't follow me.
Please just accept me.
Please just love me as I have loved you.
Please try to understand.
I am not you.
I am not you.
I am not you.
I am not you.
I am not you.

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