2.10.05

I Hitched My Toe Out And Fell

I feel:: crazy

Wow, Friday night was a trip. I'm still reeling. I didn't sleep very much because I couldn't get him out of my mind. I kept replaying the things he said and did like movie scenes. Estaba muy, muy sincero. My heart was taken aback and all I could do was let that wave break over me. He left me standing at my car wanting to call out his name, but instead I just watched him walk away. Today, I don't really know what to do. I don't have any way to get in touch with him, but he has my number. I've known him for 16 years. God, I care about him so much. I'm all tied up in knots and I can't stop wanting to see him. It's not even lust. It's...pain. I prayed for him all night last night and I broke down crying for over an hour because I love him so much and I don't want to mess up his life with my craziness. He's got his share of problems too and basically, told me Friday night that he didn't want to mess up my life with the craziness of his.
Last night Tanya and I went to Midtown and I couldn't even fully enjoy myself because I kept looking for him to walk through the door at any minute so I could rush him and cover him with hugs and kisses. Friday night, he held me and kissed me on my shoulder. I can still feel the weight of it. I swooned when he did that. If he had not had his arms around me I would have lost my balance.
WHAT THE HELL?!

EDIT: I realize that this post is too confusing for words. I apologize for that. I'm so emotional right now. This is something I'm not used to and I don't know how to deal with it.

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