7.6.05

Quietness

I feel:: discontent
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Sarah McLaughlan~Adia

I have been wanting to write for several days, but when I sit down at my computer, I find that I just can't. It feels weird to be single again after nearly a year of being with Ryk. It's like I don't know what to do with myself. I've started French I class. I'm enjoying it. The memories of the French I had in high school are bombarding me daily. It's like there's so much French language in my brain and I can't get it out fast enough. Que bizarre, n'est pas?
I feel really badly about the way things ended between Ryk and I. I wish I were more experienced in relationships. I feel like part of the reason it ended so badly is my fault. I didn't really know the right way to break up with him and I told him without thinking through my reasoning first. I should have known that he would want to know why, but at the time, I figured he should already know. I kind of still feel that way actually. He has sent me several messages through email apologizing profusely. I feel that he's being sincere, but my girlfriends think he's just trying to be sweet so that I'll come back to him. I honestly don't think that's the case. I'm still not talking to him, though. He says he's going to get psychological help. He says he's a sex addict. I thought he was, and I even told him so once, but he didn't believe me. After that, I didn't mention it again. I am going to miss his kids so much. I already do.

I hurt...a lot.

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