14.6.05

I Don't Know What To Feel

I feel:: confused
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Tori Amos~God

Have you ever met someone whose passion for life just leaves you speechless? I have met someone like that for the very first time ever. I feel like laughing, crying and curling up into the fetal position all at the same time. I also feel really bad because my relationship with Ryk is barely over and now I'm seeing someone else? Sort of? I feel like a heartless bitch. I'm scared. I am rebounding in a huge way and I think I'm in danger of hurting myself more, but yet I still can't stop thinking about this person. I don't understand it. I say I hate drama and yet when it finally ends for me after nearly a year, I jump right back into it. What the fuck is wrong with me? My moods swing wildly from deliriously happy to heart aching non-responsive depression. I feel like I'm crazy. I haven't taken any more Vicodin though, which is a good thing. I'm seriously considering flushing the rest down the toilet.

I had this scary dream the other night that this huge lesbian was stalking me. Her name was Beth. She kept killing everyone that I loved. Some she would bury in the back yard and one person's head she put in my breadbox.

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