13.5.05

Frustr-anger

I feel:: angry

For the past week I've been pretty numb. I've wanted to sit down and write, but I have found that when I try to, I can't. It's like there's nothing there, or maybe there is, but I don't want to face it. I'm really good at denial- for myself anyway. I can point out when someone else is in denial really easily. I used to be the type of person who would point those things out to someone regardless of whether or not they wanted to hear it. I know, how obnoxious. I thank God that I don't do that anymore, but I can see it still. When I was in Sold Out, I had the reputation of being a hard ass. Mom Sikes would send people to me that were hard-core drug addicts, sex addicts, abusers and alcoholics. She said because she knew that I would lay everything out on the table for them without being afraid of what they thought of me. I have since come to realize that people like that really get on my nerves. I'm not sure if it's just that it is actually really annoying or if I just don't like for people to point out my deficiencies.

I had a whole post typed out and then something happened. I'm so depressed right now. My eating disorder is kicking in again. It took me two hours to eat four mini-muffins. I've had a headache for the past two days and there is no sign of it letting up. I'll try to post about my week tomorrow.

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