13.4.05

Superman Underoos

I feel:: lazy

Another day spent inside. I got a call this morning at 9am from the employment agency that I'm registered with. Ginger, the girl who is trying to find me a job, asked me if I would be available to work a one-day temp assignment as a receptionist. I said,"Well, considering that I'm sitting in my bed in my pajamas right now, it would take me about an hour to get ready and about 30 minutes to get where ever I'm going." She was all,"Weeeell, let me keep looking." So, I hung up and laid back down. I was irritated that she would call me for a one-day assignment. I told them when I first registered with them that I needed one day's notice for temp assignments. How fast am I supposed to be able to get ready? Am I supposed to wake up at 6am every morning, get ready and wait for her to call me? I'm not doing that. That's ridiculous. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was so irritated that I gave myself a headache. I remember thinking,"God dammit!" So, I got up, ate Pop-Tarts, made coffee and fed the cats. Ever since then, I've been sitting at my computer thinking about the things I need to do today, which are pretty much the same things I needed to do yesterday and the day before. I can't stand myself right now. Why am I like this? Why can't I just resolve to get something done and just do it? I guess it's easier to complain than to actually do something about what is bothering me. I should have never sat down at the computer today. I should have just drank my coffee this morning and gone about what I needed to do. Shouldacouldawoulda...my life is filled with those.

I dreamt last night that I went to an outdoor concert and, of all the bands that could have been playing, Poison was about to take the stage. (Yes, I am a child of the 80's.) I remember that I was sitting on a sloped, grassy lawn with my friend Chris. For some reason, we were holding hands. Anyway, Cece Deville got up and walked by, but Chris didn't know who he was. I thought that was pretty funny given how famous Poison was in the 80's, so I stopped Cece and told him,"Hey, my friend Chris didn't recognize you." Well, I guess that was the wrong thing to say because he got offended. The next thing I remember is all the members of Poison standing over me with their crotches right in my face telling me how ugly, fat and out of style I was. I tried to make some lame excuse for myself and Chris by saying something like,"Well, you know, you look a lot different now than you did back then. Your hair is even a different color." The abuse continued, but Chris didn't come to my aid. He just sat there in his lawn chair and smiled at me. I remember thinking,"Why are all these penises in my face? Why do men always put their penises in my face?" I woke myself up crying and hyperventilating. I realize that it was just a dream, but I felt so bad afterwards. I felt devalued, like I wasn't worth anything. I fell asleep again and this time I dreamt that I was living in Ryk's apt complex , but connected to it was this business school. It had a name in my dream, but I can't remember it now. Well, some girlfriends and I decided to go out to this gay club to watch the performers there. I remember carrying a plate of cookies with me and standing outside of the club eating them. Then, I put the empty plate in this bin that had a sign on it which read,"Donate your used dishes to the gay needy." (Why I would go to a club and eat cookies is beyond me.) Well, we went inside and for a few minutes I couldn't find my friends, but I spotted them on the other side of the club. There were a lot of tables situated inside and they were rather close together, so it was hard for me to make my way from one side of the club to the other. I remember bumping into a lot of people and saying,"Excuse me." while they looked at me like I had just ruined their favorite pair of Manolo's. Suffice it to say that a straight woman in a gay club sometimes is not well received. I was carrying this pink, squarish purse and I remember having to fumble with it a lot. I kept having to put things into it. At one point, I was squatted down in the floor doing something with my purse, when I realized that my legs were wide open and that I was wearing a mini skirt. Embarrassment. To make matters worse, this guy commented on the fact that he could see my punani and that that was the last thing he wanted to see being a gay man. The next thing I remember is seeing Steve Martin get up on stage and start to do a comedy monologue. (Steve Martin? Random.) Anyway, we left, but somehow, when I left the club, I was naked. I had my shoes on, though, and I was carrying all of my clothes in my arms. I got in my car and drove to my apt. I remember thinking,"You can't get out of the car naked. Find something to put on." There were all these people milling about, kids playing, adults doing yard stuff. (Those apts. don't have yards, so where did they come from?) Anyway, I put on this long, brown, courduroy (sp?) coat and buttoned it all the way down starting at the neck. It looked sort of strange, me wearing that coat and black high heels, but I figured at least I was covered. I got out of my car and started walking to my apt with all of my clothes still in my arms. Then, I realized that I had parked in the wrong place, that the apt I was walking towards wasn't my apt. So, I went back to my car and drove up the hill and parked again, but this time, I was in front of the school. The rest of the dream was me walking around inside the school trying to get to the other side, because evidently, my apt was on the other side. I couldn't get anyone to help me find my way. They would either ignore me or start up a conversation with me about something inane. I guess that contributed to my bad mood and headache this morning.

Ryk came over last night after his classes were done and after he had gone to Conway to spend some time with his kids. He got here about 9pm. He cooked me dinner. Steak and veggies with pasta. That rocked. He cooks for me all the time and I just love it. He fell asleep for awhile in my big tv chair while I was sitting at my computer. I woke him up at one point to ask him how long to cook the cookies he had brought over and he scared me. His eyes looked glazed and unfocused. He seemed like he didn't know where he was. I kept asking him questions and he kept saying,"Yes, ok, it's going to be alright." I was confused and scared, so I put my hands on his face and asked him if he was alright. He put his hands on my face and then he came to. He assured me that he was ok, but I was still skeptical. I sat with him on the chair for a few minutes caressing his forehead and scanning him for any possible signs of distress. I don't know what I was looking for, I was just looking. He assured me again that he was ok and told me to go and bake the cookies. After the cookie eating, we laid in my bed for awhile, snuggling and talking. We talked about our future and about our honeymoon. I told him a funny story that I had read a few years ago about this couple who was honeymooning in Eureka Springs. The husband had tied his wife to the bed and went to the bathroom to change into his Superman suit. When he came out, he took a flying leap for the bed, but lept to short and cracked his head on the bedpost knocking himself unconscious. The woman was unable to do anything but scream, so eventually the cops were called, but no one could unlock the door, so they had to break it down. What they found was a naked woman tied to a bed and an unconscious man in a Superman suit on the floor. We thought that was tremendously funny and laughed about that for awhile and Ryk said,"I'm out on the Superman suit." I said,"You mean you aren't going to wear that for me on our honeymoon?" He was all,"No way!" Then I said,"You won't even wear Superman underoos?" By then we were both giggling so hard that neither one of us could speak. That was a great night.

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