6.4.05

*Sigh*

I feel:: exhausted
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Buena Vista Social Club~Pueblo Nuevo

That interview was so bogus. First of all, it was at this guy's house. I feel really stupid for actually going through with it considering what I have been through in the past. I was really nervous about going in there. That should have been my cue to leave. The guy even told me that I looked nervous. Anyway, he talked to me a bit in his kitchen and then he took me downstairs to his office. He showed me his computer and then showed me that he was running his Norton Anitvirus software. It was scanning for viruses. He said that when it was through scanning, if it found any viruses that he wanted to be able to delete them, but he said that the program had not let him do that previously. He wanted me to show him that I could make his software to where he could delete possible viruses if any were found. I was like,"You'll have to wait until it finishes scanning first to see if it even finds any viruses." Then, someone knocked at the door and he went upstairs to see who it was. He came back down and said that it was the UPS guy or the Fed Ex guy. I can't remember exactly which. Anyway, he asked me the same question again about wanting to be able to delete possible viruses. I told him again,"You'll have to wait until it finishes scanning." I thought,"All software comes with a 'Read Me' file. Why don't you just read it and fix it yourself?" Then, he told me to cancel the virus scan so I did. Then, he wanted me to look at these websites that he has that are like city guides. It has listings of several different cities and you can click on 'Restaurants', for instance, and it will give you a list of restaurants in that city, phone number, owner's name and a map to show you how to get there. All he wanted me to do was to click on these links and look at the different companies that had paid him to let them have their info on his websites. The previous day, he had mentioned that he needed someone to upload these adverts onto his websites and that he had this software that would do it for you. So, I asked,"Did you want to show me the software for uploading the advertisements now?" He didn't answer me and kept wanting me to click more links to more advertisements. Then I turned around to face him (He had been standing over my shoulder the whole time. I hate it when people do that.) I said, "You had mentioned yesterday something about travel. What kind of travel did you have in mind?" He said that he was building houses and that some of them were in Fayetteville, Rogers, Texarkana and Dallas. He said that he needed someone to travel to the worksites to make sure they were being built properly and to take pictures of them once they were completed and then upload them on to another of his websites. The first thing I thought was,"I don't know how to tell if a house is being built properly or not." I don't have any experience in that at all. Then he asked me how much money I was looking to make, so I told him about 20,000 per year. He said that was fine. Then, he said that he would let me out of his house by the downstairs door, so that I wouldn't have to go back upstairs. On the way out, he stopped at the door, and before he opened it he said,"Look here, someone tried to kick in my door not too long ago." So, I looked and I could see where the door and the doorframe had been fixed and that there was also a new lock on it. Then I remembered that while we were upstairs, he made sure to lock all the doors before we went downstairs. He said something about being paranoid of getting robbed. I didn't think much of it at the time, but later I did. I told him,"Wow, this seems like a pretty nice neighborhood for someone just to randomly kick your door in." He said something like,"Well, you never know about people these days." It was a REALLY nice neighborhood. The houses were huge and so were the lots they were on. I could tell that the people who lived there were wealthy. So, later when I thought about it, I realized that someone was probably mad at him for something to have come all the way out there (His house was out past Maumelle) and tried to get into his office. So, I left not really knowing if he had hired me or not. He told me to go home and to look more at his websites and if I had any questions to give him a call. The first thing I did when I got in my car was to call my dad. I told him all about the interview and he said that the only trouble would be the traveling. I can't go to school and travel. So, then I called Sally. When I told her about the interview she was like,"Who interviews at their house? He should have met you somewhere. That would have been more professional." She also mentioned the problem with traveling and school. She also pointed out that I have no experience in how to tell if houses are being built properly. She said,"What are you going to do? Walk up to a construction site and tell those guys how to do their jobs? They'd laugh at you." I couldn't help but to agree with her. Sally also said that he wasn't offering enough money for what he wanted me to do. She said that the whole thing sounded really loose and that I should keep looking for another job. Then, I called Tanya and told her all about it. She agreed with my dad and Sally about the travel thing and school. She then started asking me all kinds of questions like,"Will he be providing you with a travel car, travel expense account, camera? Will you have to work out of his house? Does he provide insurance?" These are things that I never thought to ask him, so I told her that I would write all these questions down and ask him later. I guess I was too much on my guard while I was there to think about that stuff. Tanya and I went to eat lunch and while we were eating, Ryk called. I told him all about it and he said that the whole travel thing made him uncomfortable because I would be traveling by myself. I thought about it for the rest of the day and I decided not to take the job. There's too much that is unanswered and when I thought about the man himself, I realized that I didn't trust him. I told my dad later that when you meet someone, you usually know within the first few minutes of meeting them whether or not you can trust them. I remembered that he seemed kind of shady. So, I guess I was lucky on that one. Nothing bad happened to me, but it could have. I feel so stupid for going out to that guy's house. That's something I will never do again. If he calls me, I'm just going to tell him that I've thought a lot about it and that I don't think I can do what he wants me to do regarding the job and keep my grades up at school. I kind of doubt that he will call me though.

After Tanya and I went to luch yesterday, I went to her therapy appt with her. She asked me during luch if I wanted to go with her. She said that her therapist had said previously that it might be a good idea if either me or Sally went with her one time so that he could get a better picture of her life. So, we went. I met her therapist. He was nice. He had her sign an agreement saying that it was ok for me to be there. I think it went well.When her therapy was over, we drove into Jacksonville and went to a place called Safari Pets, because Tanya was looking for a stand to put her birdcage on. They didn't have one, but told her to come back in two weeks. Then, we went to a place called Arky Barky in NLR. They have AKC puppies there. I've been thinking for a long time about getting a dog. I just don't know what kind of dog would be best for me. I don't want to get a dog and have it be unhappy with me. Well, this girl who was working there, Rebecca, showed me this 14-week old Teacup Poodle that had red hair. Ok, I fell in love with her. I carried her around the whole time we were there. When I tried to put her down, she came right back to me. She was so sweet and my heartstrings were tugged HARD. I wanted her so bad, but she is $900 dollars. There is no way that I can pay that much. I can't even make my own bills. So, now, I'm kind of sad. I can't stop thinking about her. I even dreamt about her last night. After that, Tanya and I went to McCain Mall so she could pay a couple of bills. Amazingly, I didn't buy anything. I was proud of myself. I was tempted to though, consdering that I've just paid off one of my credit cards. By the time we got to the mall, my allergies were in over drive. I think it was handling all those puppies. The poodle doesn't shed and doesn't have dander, so I know it wasn't her. The lady at the store said she would be perfect for me because of that. (Ok, I'm going to stop talking about her now.) Anyway, I held/petted two Cairn Terriers, Italian bloodhounds, Pomerainians, Yorkies, Daschunds, Mini Pinchers, a Snoodle (a mix of a Poodle and a Snauser (sp?), a Teacup Chihuahua, and a Maltese. I think that's it, but it took a toll on me. I loved it though. By the time we got to the mall, I was sneezing violently, my nose was bleeding, I was having trouble breathing, I was sweating like a whore in church. I even had it running down my legs. Tanya asked me if I was running a fever. I told her I didn't think so. She felt my forehead and said that I felt really clammy. By the time we were walking out, every time I sneezed there would be a spray of blood and I would get this searing pain in my arms starting at my shoulders and going all the way down to my hands. Then, I would be unable to move my arms for a bit without severe pain. Well, I took Tanya home. I decided I was hungry on my way out of Cabot, so I stopped at a gas station to get some snacks. I didn't have any cash, so I put it on my dad's gas card. (Thank you dad.) I freakin pigged out. I don't know why, but every time my allergies get bad like that, I want to just binge. On the 45 minute drive from her house to mine, I ate half of a large bag of Lay's Ranch chips, a king size 3 Musketeer's, and 6 of those little Dolly Madison chocolate doughnuts. Actually, that only took about 30 minutes. When, I got home, I immediately went to bed. That was at about 6:30 last night. I didn't wake up until 10am this morning. I've been shaky all day, I guess because of all the sugar I ate yesterday. And now, I've got the cold sweats again.

It stormed last night so bad. I remember vaguely hearing the rain land on the roof of my house. One time, I heard it thunder so lound that the house shook and our alarm went off. That was so weird. I was so tired though that it really didn't phase me. I just went right back to sleep. Ryk called me sometime last night, but I can barely remember it. I think he asked me if I wanted him to come over and take care of me, but I told him that I wanted to be alone. Then, sometime later, Sally called me. My phone says we talked for 45 minutes, but I don't remember what we talked about. I think I told her about the little Poodle that I want so bad.

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