24.4.05

My therapist said this would be good for me.

I feel:: awake

She said that I should do more art; more work with fractals so I have. Here's the results:

Baby Phoenix


Black Eyes


Black Eyes Blue


Shell Heart 1


Shell Heart 2


Mandala




I keep having this partial memory of the house my grandparents lived in on King's Row Drive. I remember the downstairs den and how the staircase was so narrow. I also remember looking up at the velvet Elvis picture. I asked my dad today how old I was when they lived there and he said that it was before my mom and him got divorced, so it had to be before 1974. He said I was about 3 or so. I'm thinking it was in that house where the abuse started. I must have concentrated on the velvet Elvis to keep my mind occupied while other things were going on. My body is reacting weird to this memory. I've been shaking alot and right now, I have a headache that is so bad I feel like I want to vomit. I'm supposed to go to church this morning, but seeing as it is now 3.20am and my headache is still so bad, I don't know if I'll be going. That's another Sunday that I didn't get to go. Last Sunday, it was because of the muscle I pulled in my back. What else? I really want to see my old friends especially now that I have agreed with God not to hold anything against them from the past. It seems like now that I have forgiven them, there are all these things preventing me from seeing them. I'm frustrated and that is not helping my headache any at all.

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