28.7.03

Obsessive Compulsive, Or Not? That Is The Question.

I feel:: exhausted
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Depeche Mode~Personal Jesus

I just finished alphabetizing all 150 of my cds. Ahem..... I don't think it's weird to have one's cd's organized, but some people evidently do (cough, cough, Sally). :) But I argue that my alphabetizing my cds doesn't hold a candle to her roaming the house 4 or 5 times before she goes to bed while looking for stray knives that she must put underneath plates.

The more I think about that night that Lainie and I hung out with Ra ( I can't seem to get it out of my mind. OCD thing I guess.), the more I realize that I don't really like them and I don't want to hang out with them again. Also if they put out another album, I don't think I'll buy it and I don't think I'll pay to go to another of their shows either. The more I replay the events of that night in my mind, the more I realize what exactly was going on. The more I see clearly just what kind of men they are. They have a song about men not putting their hands on women who don't want sexual advances, but don't adhere to what they preach. I don't like that. I also don't like the fact that they put off such a clean, nice guy image and when in fact, they are just the opposite. I found them to be fake, exasperating, arrogant, narcissitic and extremely self important. I guess I didn't see all of this before because I had had a few drinks. Or maybe I just didn't want to see it. Whatever, I can't support a band like that, even if I like their music. I realize that most guys in bands are that way. I also realize that most people are that way to some extent. But I believe that, despite hearing many opinions to the contrary and experiencing many bad personalities from people in bands, that there are some really nice and down to earth guys in bands. I haven't met very many, but that doesn't mean that they are not out there. Maybe I'm foolish and blind. Maybe I'm naive. I do believe that not all guys are insensitive assholes. Despite my past, I really try to believe in the chivalry and nobleness of men. Maybe I set my expectations too high. I should look into that, I suppose.

On another note, I went to see Tomb Raider- The Cradle of Life earlier tonight with Sally. It was ok. As always, good special effects. The acting was so-so. Script could have been better. Plot was ok. Not all it was hyped up to be though. And what's up with the damn commercials before movies now? Don't we get enough of that on tv for pete's sake? That irritates me a lot.

I'm thinking that I should try and change my mindset from the type of men that I'm attracted to now, to another type of guy. It seems that I'm one of those stupid women that only go out with asshats. I need to expand my viewpoint and start looking deeper at people. People used to say to me that they felt like when I looked at them that I could see right through them. As if I were looking into their soul and could divine all of their secrets. I never did that, but I think my spiritual antennae need some exercising. I've become lax in my summing up of people. So, yeah, that's my goal for this week: to submit my expectations of people and my lack in skills of judging whom to trust up to God. We'll see how it goes.

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