18.6.03

My Little Bit

I feel:: infuriated
The loudness of silence is deafening.

Well, thanks to the ineptitude of my father, my cat, Little Bit, has gotten out again. I went to look for him, but he's no where to be found. I'm so frustrated with him and his lack of observing what's going on around him. I've tried and tried and tried to explain to him how important my cats are to me. That they are a part of me, my family, but he just doesn't understand. I would like to punch him dead in the mouth right now. I'm so angry with him.

I feel like I could just collapse into a heap and cry for days. I'm nauseous. I'm having panic attacks. You name it. I'm pretty freaked out. Sometimes.......*sigh* I just don't know how much I want to continue with all of this. Is it really worth it? Yeah, I'm suicidal too on top of everything else. It seems like all I do all the time is cry. I fight and tear and claw my way to where I want to be and then some idiot throws a monkey wrench in the gears of my life and I'm fucked. What did I ever do to be treated the way my dad treats me? Is this the result of bad karma or something?

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

I wish I had some pain killers so I could just knock myself out for a couple of days.

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