5.6.03

Drama,drama, drama. I can't stand any more fucking drama.

I feel: indescribable
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Fleming and John~Delusions of Grandeur

Anita left me a nice nasty message on my cell today. I've written her out of my life for lieing to me and setting me up with some guy who tried to rape me. She's also lied to several other friends of mine, so she's on the permanent shit list. I can't stand people like that; that have to create some sort of fucked up scenario where everyone is persecuting them and they make the picture of themselves like they are the proverbial lamb led to the slaughter.

Well, I did 3 miles at the gym on the glider on Monday. Two hours of yoga yesterday, and 2 hours of Pilates today. I'm going to be paying for the Pilates class in the morning. I can already feel it.

Paul called me today and wants me to come and hang out with him at his new place. I've been carrying around this horrible guilt for almost 1 1/2 years for breaking up with him;he was so hurt and I was hurt that I hurt him. Oh man. I almost can't stand to see him and I know he still feels something for me. How do you explain to a man that even though you love him that he's just not the one for you? How do you say it without it coming off sounding like some lame excuse that you are hiding behind so as not to reveal your true feelings when those are my true feelings? *sigh* My heart breaks every time I see him or talk to him because I can still hear the hurt and the hope in his voice. Jesus I don't know what to do. praypraypraypraypraypraypraypraypraypraypraypray

I think I'm getting over the shakes from what happened the other night. Now, I'm just pissed off. I need to find some way to vent my anger, I guess that's why I've worked out so much this week.

Well, I'm going to try to go to sleep.

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