27.5.03

Don't Cry...

I feel:: angry
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: Evanescence~Bring Me To Life

Ok, I have to take my dad to his dr. appt. in like 4 hours. I came home tonight at nine and slept until 11:30. I'm so awake right now. I think I'll make some coffee at around 4pm so I won't be a total zombie.

So, yeah, my moods are all over the place today. I went to the last showing of a movie ever at the historic Cinema 150 here in Little Rock. It's for sale now, but not as a theater. That's a shame because that theater is so unique. I've never seen another like it. Anyway, I went to the 4pm showing with Marcia, her brother Dan, Dan's friend Josh and Josh's gf, and another girl whose name I can't remember just now. I was supposed to go back for the 10pm showing, which was when the people from the Evboard were supposed to be there. I got all dressed up for a night out. After the 4pm showing, Marcia and those with her went to eat at Taco Bell. I don't eat at Taco Bell because it's nasty, so I went to eat at Jason's Deli. I was going to go eat at my fave coffee shop, but they were closed on account of it being Memorial Day and all.

So, on my way back to the theater to meet the group, I suddenly just didn't want to go. I got really really depressed and developed this splitting, nauseating headache. And I got super angry. I felt like if anyone spoke to me that I would just go off on them mercilessly. So, I bailed on everyone and came home and went straight to bed. My dad spoke to me and asked me why I was home so early and I told him that I had a bad headache and, as usual, I had to fucking repeat myself because he doesn't ever listen to me. So, I said, with a little too much venom,"I HAVE A BAD HEADACHE." I frowned at him and went to my room and shut the door rather hard. I'm sure he has no clue what was going on.

He came into my room earlier today when I was on the computer and told me when I take Black Cat to the vet later on today that I wasn't to commit us to any large sums of money in the effort to save his life because he was going to use his VISA card to buy awnings for the house. WTF???!!!!!! So, I guess I'm just supposed to let my cat die so he can have his fucking awnings. I don't think so. I'm not taking him back to the vet in Benton as they are complete idiots. I'm taking him to where I take my other two cats, Green Mountain Animal Hospital.

I played out a scene in my mind earlier while I was lying in bed trying to sleep in which I confronted that imbecilic doctor who failed to notice the huge mass in the abdomen of my cat and who failed to call me like he said he would when Black Cat's bloodwork came in to let me know that he was in renal failure. In my scenario, I pushed him into his office and got right up into his personal space and spoke to him very quietly about God and how even though God says that I have to forgive him for hurting me and my cat, that he will never be off God's hook. That he will have to stand before God at the Great White Throne Judgement and tell Him why he let an innocent animal suffer needlessly for 6 days. I told him that I would rather face my anger than God's anger and then I told him about the scripture in which Jesus says,"Whatever you do to the least of these, you have also done to Me." In my scenario, I intimidated the shit out of that fucking dr. In reality, I probably won't confront him at all. I'll probably just switch docs and leave it at that.

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