1.3.03

These Wounds Won't Seem To Heal...

I feel:: depressed
The voices in my head are particularly demanding and loud today.

Ahhh.... so what's new... I'm still depressed. Dammit. I'm so freakin lonely I could just die. I want to be with someone and lie in his arms and at least feel like I'm loved, if not know it. It's so bad now that it's like a physical ache. To make matters worse, Erik called me on Monday night. That's the night that it iced so bad. He was all, "I'm in town and I'd like to see you." I was all,"Ummm... I don't know about that." God dammit! Just when I think I've gotten hold of my feelings for him he fucking calls me and reinserts himself into my life and now I'm all sad again. I can't seem to extricate myself from my feelings for him. I'm a fucking idiot for feeling this way. He has done nothing but hurt me in all the years that we've known each other, I can count on one hand the nice things that he's done for me. It's so bad that when I start to miss him, I have to sit down and make myself think of how shitty he treated me and I STILL MISS HIM. I'm such a damn sucker. I hate it. Fucking Erik, Fucking Prick.

I helped a new friend of mine move the other day. That was interesting to say the very least. Now I'm conflicted. I'm glad that my friend moved, because that means that said friend will be happier,but I just got to know said friend and now that said friend is gone, I feel like a part of me is gone too. I know that is ridiculous considering we don't know each other that well, but..... I'm a sap. *sigh*

I talked to another friend the other night and that was such a treat. I didn't think I would ever get to talk to him other than just message and reply on his lj. But he IM'd me the other night and we talked for a good while. I'm so glad. Now, he's evidently physically hurt by something that happened to him the other night. He has stitches and I'm worried, but I don't want to seem to concerned because we barely know each other and I feel like he is wary of me as it is. But at the same time, I wish so much that there was SOMETHING I could do. I would lay a cold compress on his head, or make him tea, or rub his feet or his back. Whatever would make him feel better. I have this strange desire that he be completely happy and I don't know why this is, because, like I said, we barely know each other. I wish he would tell me how he is now and I would like to know what happened,but the latter wish is just being nosey. I really just want to know if he's ok.

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