12.2.03

Love Leads To Isolation

I feel:: accomplished
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: this Phil Collins song that won't go away

Ok so, I feel like crying my eyes out right now and I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way. I've been studying since 11:30 this morning. Oh my God, I studied for my Fine Arts exam (which is like studying for 3 exams, since it is 3 classes in one: Theater, Art, and Music). Can you say PAIN IN THE FREAKIN ASS? I wrote a rough draft of a paper that was supposed to be an interview with my dad. But since, he said that he would let me interview him and was conveniently gone during the time when I was supposed to interview him, I made the whole thing up. The entire paper about his life and suposed quotes from him is entirely fictional. So there. I also studied for a Spanish exam. I'm actually not through studying for that one. It just got so late that I decided to stop and resume studying tomorrow. I usually get to school around 8 or so and my first class isn't until 10, so I'll have some time then. I also have an hour of free time b/w Fine Arts and Algebra, so I can study then too. I was going to work on my Algebra today as well, but I ran out of time. I'm so freakin tired. I guess that's why I feel like crying.

Angie came over tonight and wanted me to help her with her comp paper. We are in the same comp class. I tried to help her, but I really think that I wasn't much help to her. She was stressed out from taking a bunch of tests this week and she couldn't concentrate on her paper. She kept getting stuck on the small details and couldn't move forward. I was sitting at my comp trying to write my own paper. I told her just to put SOMETHING down on paper for class tomorrow bc if we don't have something in hand, we will lose 10 points of the grade of the final draft that we turn in.

Laney is ordering me this kick ass coat. Sweeeeet! I can't wait to get it.

Sally booked us a condo in Destin for Spring Break. It's the same place we went last year. It was so cool. Right on the beach. Security entrance. Gated. Very posh. I can't wait to go. I already need a break from school.

Marcia came over last night and helped me with building my little free website on Geocities. I think it looks pretty cool. I worked on it for a long time yesterday. I've also got some poetry posted on it of my own.

I've been thinking about Dan today. Should I feel worse than I do bc he broke up with me? I feel like I should be broken hearted,but I'm not. I'm kinda pissed actually. I find it awfully convenient that we had a conversation about being Godly and acting Godly. We decided not to have sex. I think he thought that I would be the kind of person who says one thing and does another. Not that he's obsessed with sex... well, he is an admitted sex addict. I guess he needs to go out with someone who doesn't have issues about sex and God and all that. I just want to be a godly woman. Is that so bad?

I bought the book, A Purpose Driven Life, yesterday. I read the first entry. The author says that it's best to read one entry per day. Ok. It said that in order to find my purpose in life that I have to look in God. It said that my life is not all about me, my happiness, or my career. It is about God. I exist bc God wills me to exist. God had a purpose for my life planned out from eternity past. Ok, call me arrogant if you wish, but I kinda knew all that stuff already. I suppose I need to pray more, or be more humble or something. The thought briefly crossed my mind last night that I had wasted my money on that book. We'll see I guess.

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