3.2.03

I feel:: sleepy

Just a short entry today...errr this morning.

First of all, my boyfriend asked me several times last week if I was going to go to church with him today. He called me on my cell while I was in the car going to church to tell me that he was running late, so he wasn't going to go. I was like 10 minutes away, so I went. I was so sick this morning and I went to church anyway and for him to call me and tell me that he wasn't coming because he just doesn't like to walk into church late kinda pissed me off. I even was out last night until like 3:30am and I still got up and went to church. Not that I'm a saint or anything. It's just that it was such a big deal to him that I go and then he bails on me.

Secondly, I have eaten so much today that my stomach is swollen. I feel so bloated. Ughhh. I had to wear my goth sweat pants to the movie tonight because my stomach was too swollen to wear any of my other pants. Oh, I went to see Chicago tonight with some friends of mine. It was awesome. I loved it. That is the best movie I've seen in awhile. My friend James was making fun of my goth sweat pants (they have zippers on them) and said that I looked like I was ready to work on a car or something. Hahaha very funny.

I was driving home this evening after the movie and rediscovered my Violet Burning cd. I was listening to the Song of the Harlot. That song makes me break down every time I hear it. It tells the story of the harlot who cried on Jesus' feet and dried his feet with her hair. The people He was eating dinner with Him condemned Him for letting a whore associate with Him, but He told them that even though He had been invited to their house to eat dinner, they had not even extended Him the courtesy of washing His feet, but she did. I think she was the one who later annointed Him with expensive oil and she was rebuked for it. Jesus told the people to leave her alone b/c she was annointing Him for burial. Anyway, the song talks about how a lot of times we become the whore by loving the things of the world and forgetting Jesus and how much He loves us. The chorus says: If I could be anyone at all let me be the whore at your feet.

I think that's where I'd like to be. I'd like to be humble enough to sit at Christ's feet and wash them. I'd like to be wise enough to admit my sins and accept the forgiveness of Christ. I'd like to be strong enough to turn from my sin forever and keep my eyes focused on the person and the love of Christ. I'd like to have a big enough heart to show love to someone who doesn't deserve it purely out of the love which Christ has put in my heart. I'd like to have the courage to stand in the love of Christ and live my life unflinchingly according to the Scripture without swerving. This sounds like I want to be perfect. I know that I'll never be perfect. I just want to keep on moving forward in my relationship with Christ. I'd like to know Him better. I'd like to be a better person. I'd like to be able to see things more clearly to be able to handle the Scripture rightly.

Father, please forgive me for getting mad at Dan. Please forgive me for being so worldly. Please forgive me for being impatient. Please forgive me for thinking more of myself than I should. Please forgive me for being selfish. Please forgive me for being judgemental. Please forgive me for thinking that I deserve something from others just because I do something for them. Please forgive me for indulging my flesh. Please forgive me for putting You in the backseat of my life. Please forgive me for my anger. Please help me to forgive those people that still hurt me every time they make me mad and everytime I try to bring something up from my memory to hold against them. Please forgive me for wanting to vindicate myself. Please allow me to see things as they really are, as You see them. Please allow me to see people as Your children. Please forgive me for being lax in my school studies. I know that this is Your will that I'm in school and you have given me the means to go to school and not work. Please help me to be grateful and not to forget why I'm here. Please have mercy on me Father I am so sinful. I know that You love me, open my eyes to the reality of Your love and allow me to see myself as You see me. Heal me Father from the hurts that have been inflicted on me and from the hurts I have inflicted on myself. I lift up the families of the crew of the space shuttle to You and I pray that You would be with them and comfort them. I pray that Your Holy Spirit would envelop them. I give my dreams to You and I ask that You would protect me while I sleep. I thank You for the opportunity to heal my mind and my body through sleep. Thank You for the opportunity to live another day. I ask that tomorrow You will see fit to use me to touch someone for You. If there is anything or anyone that I have forgotten to pray for, I ask that Your Holy Spirit would bring them to my mind. I praise You Father for who is like You? You are just and righteous in all Your ways. I love You Father. There is no one like You. You deserve all praise and thanks.
I ask these things and give these praises in Jesus' name. Amen.

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