31.1.03

I Feel Like Crap

I feel:: sick

I'm sick finally. I have been trying for weeks to ward off a stupid sinus infection with my herbal supplements and have halfway succeeded, but my body gave in yesterday. I suppose all that crying I did yesterday didn't help it at all. My head aches and my throat is sore and I'm dizzy.

I talked to Dan last night about my friend. He was all,"Are you crying?" I was like,"I've been crying all day." He said that the reason she didn't come to me in the first place when she was doing that stuff was that she really didn't want to quit. I don't understand that. He said that it was the addiction talking. I told him that I can't wrap my mind around that because it makes no sense. She went to another person and got off of the shit, so she obviously wanted to quit. I think he was kind of talking out of his ass, because he called me from a bar.(He had gone out with his friend Frank.) I think he'd had a few. He was genuinely concerned though. He offered to come over if it would make me feel better and I told him not too. I'm not fit to be around anyone when I'm like that. I'm just weepy and depressed and I couldn't stop crying yesterday. I ate and ate and ate. I pigged out on chocolate and popcorn. I had the chocolate because I had bought it as Valentine's Day gifts for my friends,but now, I'm going to have to go and get some more, because I ate it all. What I really wanted though was some Haagen Daaz Dulche de Leche ice cream, but I was too depressed to leave the house.

I said something unfair about my mother in my last post. I want to say that I never doubted that my mother loved me. She was really messed up for a long time, but she's better now.

I still want that ice cream. Dammit, I hate the fact that I eat when I'm depressed.

I'm supposed to go with Dan tonight to Celebrate Recovery, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it. Not if I feel like this later on tonight. He is really looking forward to going. This is like the third week in a row that we've planned to go. The last two weeks we didn't go because something happened.

I'm skipping classes today. I figure Friday would be a good day to skip anyway because instead of four classes, I have three. My comp class only meets on Monday and Wednesday. So, I'm missing Fine Arts, Algebra(which I can do on my computer since it is a web based class), and Spanish. I don't think it will hurt me much considering this is my first absence.

It's really cold in here. I think I'm going to go back to bed.

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