25.1.03

Forget this life, come with me, don't look back you're safe now.

I feel:: content
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: something by Evanescence

Well, it's about 2am and I'm still awake. I ATE SO MUCH AT DINNER THAT I AM DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I'm still full and I ate at like 9:30. I'm still crashing from all of the sugar that I ate. Dinner was wonderful though. Ceasar Salad, Shrimp and Artichoke Dip served with toasted Italian Bread, Chicken Canneloni, and Chocolate Cake with warm Chocolate Ganache on top with cream on the side and Dulche de Leche ice cream. Thank God I don't eat like that all the time. I would never be able to fit into my clothes.

Dan and I were supposed to go to this thing at Fellowhip Bible Church tonight called Celebrate Recovery, but he had to work late tonight. He didn't leave work until 11:00pm and he has to be back at work in the morning at 6:50am. He went to work originally this morning at 6:50am. I admit, I was disappointed at not being able to see him, but all this overtime will give him some money to put down on an apartment. God is looking out for him very definitely.

I went to see Confessions of a Dangerous Mind tonight with Sally. It was really different. It makes me wonder if that man was really a CIA agent or if he was schizophrenic and created that whole world. I'm going to have to get the book and read it. It was really interesting.

I'm still trying to read Romans Chp 1. I wrote down some scripture references referring to that chapter and I'm still praying about it. The Holy Spirit keeps bringing to my mind the one verse that says: "I am not ashamed of the gospel, becasue it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew and then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written,'The righteous shall live by faith.'" (1:16-17)

I think that the Holy Spirit is leading me to something, but I'm not sure what it is right now. I'll have to keep praying about it. I think I'm going to move on to the 2nd chp of Romans now and see what the Holy Spirit teaches me about that in connection with the first chapter.

I'm trying to change my relationship with God from one where I do things to try to make Him love me more to one where I know that He loves me no matter what I do or don't do. I realize that God never changes and that He loves me just the same no matter what I do, it is only in my mind that there is a difference. The battle is in the mind, is it not? If you can control the mind, you can control the actions and therefore control the person. I am working on surrendering my mind to God in order to let Him lead me in everything. I am to impatient and don't want to wait on God. I want to do things my way. I guess I think my way is better than God's way. Wrong. Wow, I'm pretty arrogant to think that. Well, at least now I know what to pray about for myself.

I'm buying an Ovation electric/acoustic guitar tomorrow. I'm going to name her and I need some suggestions. She is blonde with a black circle around her middle with little delicate white designs on the black circle. She has a high, but mellow sweet sound. I'm so exited, I can't wait to get her home. ( I realize that I'm giving anthropomorphic qualities to a guitar, but that is the feeling I get when I hold it and play it. Maybe I'm crazy.)

Oh...... I miss Dan. I hope he gets to come over tomorrow. I know that I'm being all cheesy and chick-flicky, but I can't help it. (whine).

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