Ask And You Shall Receive

I feel:: loved
What song is on a loop in my head right now:: a song from the Bladerunner soundtrack

Dan's psycho mom and step-dad have graciously (note sarcasm)allowed him to stay there with them for another 3 to 4 weeks so that he can have time to save some money to get his own place. I told him that I would help him and I have been combing the classifieds looking.

He took me to dinner last night and we talked for a LONG time. Like two hours at the restaurant. We almost got in a heated argument over something that is kind of a doctrinal issue. We disagreed and I capitulated and said that I didn't want to have an argument over semantics. We both have the same birthday and that means that we both are very opinionated and very stubborn, so in order to keep the peace, I backed off and told him that it was not necessary that we agree about everything. But I still think he's wrong. He came over to my place after dinner and we cuddled on my sofa and stuff. MMMMMMMM that was nice. He makes me giggle a lot. Like I'm 13 or something. He says that he likes to hear me laugh. I think that's cool. I don't think that I laugh enough. He said that saddest thing while he was here last night. He said that he thought that he wasn't a good enough person for me and that surely there was a better man out there for me. He also asked me if I was willing to deal with all of the emotional scar tissue that he has developed over the years of bad relationships. At first I didn't know what to say. I told him that I have just as much, if not more, emotional scars as he does and that he would have to deal with mine as well if he wanted to continue to be with me. I asked him why he thought that he wasn't good enough for me. If it was something I was doing that was making him feel that way. He said that I wasn't doing anything to make him feel that way, that he just did. I didn't know what to say. Although, now that I think about it, I think that it's a symptom of low self-esteem. He said that things have been so peaceful between us that he was kind of waiting for the bottom to drop out or for him to do something to mess everything up. I told him that I was trying really hard to be completely honest with him about everything. I sometimes have a problem with saying what I'm thinking at the time that I'm thinking it. I am trying my best to break that habit. He is so honest with me about everything and I think that he deserves just as much honesty from me. I told him that and I told him that I respected him for being so honest with me. No one I've dated has ever been that way with me.

I watched Leaving Las Vegas for the first time last night. OMG was that movie depressing. I so could NOT watch some of the scenes. I was really sad when it was over. I read chapter 1 of Romans after the movie was over and I tried to pray about it so that I could maybe glean something from it. I guess I was too tired. I kept thinking about that scripture that says that God's Word never returns void and that it always accomplishes it's purpose. So I told God that He would have to write that scripture on my heart and that I would read it again today so that maybe the Holy Spirit could teach me when I wasn't so tired.

I'm feeling all mushy and lovey dovey now. I wish Dan was here.

Song of Songs 5:10-16
"My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem."

Song of Songs 8:6-7
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned."

One last thought. I told God several months ago that I wanted a relationship with someone that could be Godly and one that I could work on in equal terms with the person I was with. It looks like God answered my prayer. I'm thankful.


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